Spism

The True definition: Severe neck pain, brought about by all too vigorous self-pleasuring, normally at point of release of the motherlode.

Worker: Sorry Boss, I'm not able to make it in today; got physio later, and i'm on pain killers for my neck problem.

Boss: Spasm, or Spism?

Worker: Spism - the missus was out shopping last night, so I took the 'bull by the horns' and it all went a bit wrong. It's agony.

Boss: Bad luck chum - next time dont clench too hard, and no German telly.

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Hagrid's Pocket

Derived from classical form of the 'Wizard's Sleeve', Hagrid's Pocket being reserved for a rather hairy, large, loose and dirty form of the 'Man-hole'.

Further connotations in that Hagrid, not being a proper wizard, infers likewise on the quality of said pudenda.

holy lord, she was fine up-top, but I thought I put my hand in Hagrid's pocket when I ventured south!