money goggles

A cousin of beer goggles, but applicable to women. Just as beer goggles make unattractive women desirable to men, money goggles make unattractive men desirable to women. So a man can be a complete, misogynistic pig, but if hes a complete, misogynistic pig with 20 million dollars, women are willing to ignore the fact that he is a complete, misogynistic pig thanks to money goggles.

At first, Mindy hated the dirty, loud asshole at the end of the bar. When she found out he had a fleet of sports cars, a mansion in Florida and a Swiss bank account, she put on her money goggles and was soon fellating him in the back of his Rolls Royce.

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midgitler

A combination of midget and Hitler. Describes a tyrannical boss or supervisor who is also a dwarf.

He: "That little asshole supervisor who makes the weekly schedule is making us work Saturday!"

Me: "What a fucking midgitler!"

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dino buddy

noun: A character or creature in a movie, usually a sci-fi or fantasy, who exists solely to sell merchandise, toys and drink cups at McDonalds. Other than that, they add nothing to the plot. Named after a "Saturday Night Live" commercial parody from the 1990s called "Philadelphia Action Figures". The Tom Hanks figure had a flamethrower, net launcher and a "dino buddy" side kick.

Aniken Skywalker and his dino buddy, Jar Jar Binks walked into the cantina for a space beer.

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dino buddy

noun: In a movie, usually a sci fi or fantasy, a creature or character who exists only to sell merchandise, toys and drink cups at McDonalds. Other than that, it adds nothing to the plot. Named after a Saturday Night Live sketch from the 1990s for "Philadelphia" action figures.

Aniken Skywalker and his dino buddy Jar Jar Binks walked into the cantina for a space beer.

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Away and raffle your donut

A Scottish phrase that translates as "Go and sell your ass". "Raffle" meaning "sell" and "donut" meaning "ass". Said by Craig Ferguson on "The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson" on May 22, 2008.

McTeagle: Lend me 50 pounds to mend the shed.
McDonald: Away and raffle your donut ya wee girl!

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walmart greeter

The job a person gets when they wake up every morning, put a gun to their head, but can never summon enough willpower to pull the trigger.

As I entered the store, I was approached by the walmart greeter. Our eyes met for only a moment, but it was enough to see the deep, painful hopelessness in his gaze. Whoever the person he used to be had died long ago, leaving a spent shell, an automaton. An emotionless drone pretending to be a human being. "Good morning." he said to me. In subtext he might as well have said "Please kind stranger, kill me and end my existence, for I have not the strength to do it myself." Pity stayed my hand, and I made a mental note to avoid Walmart at all cost.

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clowns

Malevolent creatures of pure, shrieking evil. They were formed uncountable eons ago by "HE WHO IS NOT TO BE NAMED" out of the nightmares of children and the ravings of madmen, then vomited out of the blackest pit of hell upon an unsuspecting, peaceful world. They serve their Dark Master by spreading despair, misery and hopelessness among the human race. You will know them by their ghoulishly painted death faces, their rainments of nausea inducing
colours, and their fondness for frightening babies. They can be driven away with a Crucifix, holy water, Bible or semi-automatic shotgun.

I would rather have the Aryan Brotherhood after me than be in a roomfull of clowns.

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