scotland

An area of largely uninhabitable wasteland to the north of England largely populated by alcoholic gingers.

Young Scotsmen are encouraged to travel to England at an early age to seek their fortune. They can be seen emerging from cardboard boxes at night in all large English cities in order to stumble around picking fights with buildings and asking passers by for money. The English have always described these human waste as beggars but recent research has shown that the money given to them represents around 40% of Scotlands GDP.
Many of the hundreds of Scots who can read and write are angry about having been butt-raped by the English for their oil but the English are now in the process of letting them mop up the last few drops that are left.

Scotsmen traditionally wear a kilt (from the Gaelic meaning "short skirt worn for easy access to the genitals by turd burglars") in order to signify to everyone that they have come out of the closet and are available to pack fudge at a moments notice.
The Scottish practice of playing the bagpipes (originally an English invention for the cleaning of drains) allows the average Scotsman to become competent at giving a blowjob whilst simultaneously giving a hand shandy to two others. A similar behaviour known as tossing the caber involves simulating gay sex with a well endowed man whilst other men in skirts watch.

1st Englishman: What's Scottish, full of shit and depressing?
2nd Englishman: Scotland

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