joint slay

when two queens exchange a look and nod saying nothing and each proceeds in due course to hit the others successive king on the sly. queen will normally check a bitch who tries to harm her man but, sometimes the kings cross a line and there is disrespect. a queen must remain loyal. but never disrespect her. keep it up and you will result in full scale thermonuclear war with many queens in the board. this bad situation can be easily avoiding by stop giving hoes her jewelry while the queens get your table scraps

queen1: uno
queen2: naw pick 4 and uno (wins)
later both Kings get justifiably hit from out of nowhere
queen 3: I love uno, next game I’m in
later all Kings are at war while queens sip tea
Awake people: joint slay

15👍 9👎

punt

1. when you are on 3 out of 4 chances (downs) in football. your team has the ball and you want to score a touchdown. you have 4 total chances to go 10 yards. if you do, you get 4 more chances (back to first down)!! you can get closer to the goal line! if you don’t the other team gets the ball, right there. so, maybe with your last attempt you kick it as far back as you can to put space between the other team and their goal - that’s a punt. sure, its a good bet. but, if you only have like, one yard left, maybe you take the chance and go for it. going for it is the opposite of punting, it’s the opposite, going for it, get it. teams that go for it make the game exciting
2. derogatory name for a guy who leads someone on then pusses out because, he doesn’t want to try that hard. he knows he’ll get the ball back eventually. he’ll try again then.

football guy: they are stopping us at every attempt! we need 16 yards to the next first down and we’re ahead by 30 points
offense coach: bring out the kicker it’s a punt

dude: joe has it in the bag with that girl, he gives her all kind of presents, takes her on dates, even serenaded her at the pep rally

other dude: nah dog, he lost interest and now he likes sally

that girl to her friends: joe you stupid punt

16👍 8👎

hoffburger

aka the side-buoy (pronounced “boo wee”) burger, sweep the floor, whatta whoppa moppaburger, huffs burger, bug Mack baywash slider.

so named as David Hasselhoff (“the hoff”) post late night of partying videotaped by his daughters weed or alcohol binged hamburger dining experience off the floor of some rented beachouse.

this is the girl that, after the beautiful awesome amazing women who wanted you have been sidelined, guys end up ultimately chilling with. she’s the hoffburger, she thinks he’s the best and lick the dirt off the floor that’s crunchy

Hanna: has anybody seen Dom?
Lesleigh: he’s on the dance floor housing a hoffburger

Liberty hammer

think statue of liberty except this bitch lies in wait behind the drapes of your bedroom. Instead of a lamp torch she holds a Thor-like hammer which she wields with righteous vindictive justice. She emerges from the shadows after watching you sleep and strikes when you least expect and just keeps coming

boutta bring out my liberty hammer of justice on these toxic dudes

My Warner

The one guy you can never say with honesty that you are over. He was hot, he offed you for a hosebeast, he definitely has regrets—or should. You showed up and shoved off because men can’t treat us that way and live. Nonetheless, he is a part of your romantic timeline. As Elle Woods dismisses her case of infatuation at the end of Legally Blond, bonehead doesn’t get a bone.

Sandy: when you gonna date again

Candy: Sick of this sht
Sandy: You got to move on from the dream
Candy: it’s been over so over. He was My Warner but he can get pyroney
Sandy: Your ex?
Candy: No, that was My Fisher Stevens

earplugs in

I can’t hear you

The things you say are irrelevant, offensive or merit less so I put on my ‘air pods’ and turn up my music, headphones or actual fluorescent orange pink earplugs I bought for $.99 from 7-11 the last time I had to sleep over in a cheap motel

Dr. Anna: You are now in the range of Type II Diabetes. You are considered well-managed.
Patient: By one point! I will devote myself to heightened physical activity! I don’t want to go on Ozempic and am not distressed about my weight.
Patient’s mother: Your sister just lost 15 pounds! You are at risk of amputation unless you also take Ozempic!
Patient: I don’t want my stomach to scar, and die, to lose 15 pounds with drugs—earplugs in.

track down ig love

someone with whom you are previously unfamiliar make the news for a brave or heroic act. This act moves you to such an extent that you furiously search them down in Instagram the next chance you get and like the fuck out of their pics, provide hands up emoji comments, go mercenary and shout down a few trolls while you are there and thrust yourself into any controversial fray. maybe even giving the person a merit follow. check them on Wikipedia first to make sure they dont wear fur etc

girl: ugh, I just read on page 6 how she stood up to that awful mans even when she knew he’d come after her!
other girl: I know, I just gave her some track down ig love bitch