Battle of the Bulge

A decisive battle during the Second World War in which, surrounded, American troops sent out underwear model Richard Couverant to engage in one-on-one combat with model Heinrich Herzog. The bout culminated in a sword fight between their semi-erect Wilhelms. Upon seeing this, American general Anthony McAuliffe responded with a succinct: "Nuts." The win was a gamechanger for the Americans, who coerced the Germans into signing an agreement that not only would the war end, but that the DeutscheBescheidenheit Kompanie would be renamed to Calvin-Klein, a name chosen for it's being "a little American; a little German." Acclaimed war photographer Robert Capa was scheduled to shoot the event but was rebooked by clients in Normandy. In lieu of him, the military hired fashion photographer Richard Avedon. Unfortunately, to preserve the fighters' integrity, the treaty required the negatives to be burnt. Despite this, the event is survived in print due to a soldier who totally snuck a pic while no one was looking.

Sexually repressed Southerners often enjoy reenacting the Battle of the Bulge.

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Feminism

The ideology of radical, fascist women who believe that the true advancement of the women's cause will only be fully realized when they achieve the destruction of the male kind, and the consumption of their bloody carcasses. The feminists retain complete control of their bodies, often ripping out screaming fetuses days before birth, later burning them before effigies of their main trinity of goddesses: Susan B. Anthony, Simone de Beauvoir, and Alison Bechdel. Others protest the "oppression" of the male kind through castration of unwitting sexual partners. Many feminists are reported to engage in spontaneous blood-crazed lesbian orgies at the sight of the mass burnings of male genitalia and bra-toting Victoria's Secret models (symbols of the "oppression"). Hordes of these "equality warriors" are known to roam the streets of off-beat neighborhoods, ganging up on Christian children, and drinking their blood whilst chanting from their bible, "The Feminine Mystique". They will tell you that they only desire equality, or "egalitarianism" and use liberal trickery (like the oft debunked "pay gap"), but be warned, they will kill any man it takes to get what they seek: a world where men not subject to mass genocide are herded into farms and harvested for their sperm.

Man: That's okay, I'll take care of the check.
Feminist: YOU CHAUVINIST PIG. I AM A FREE AND INDEPENDENT WOMAN. YOU WILL DIE FOR YOUR OPPRESSION. CHIVALRY IS DEAD!
Proceeds to lunge at man and gnaw off his bloody member before holding it in the air triumphantly.
Feminist: Heterosexuality is the opiate of the masses! Die cis scum! Long live feminism!

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