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Insulting word used to describe anyone who closely watches penises.
Andrew is such a Boner detective.
A security guard; a mall cop. The only weapon they have besides a phone.
I was at the mall, then the flashlight detectives bitched at me for loitering.
Someone who uses all their internet sleuthing abilities in order to find the source of a particular pornographic image or clip. Google search, reverse image search, questioning discord and reddit users, freeze framing to check out on-screen text, cross referencing screenshots of the model in question with a database of similar looking models until he finds a match, nothing is out of the question when you're horny and trying to get off. This is the dude that should have been working at the NSA to find Bin Laden, but instead he's trying to find the name of the porn star he just watched get gangbanged.
Imagine a dude from CSI, except instead of looking for a murderer, he's zooming into a washed out watermark in the corner of a :03 second .gif in order to find out the source of the porn he wants to jack off to.
Jim: "God damn that was a hot clip. Who was that?
Michael: "No idea. Just found it while browsing reddit. Send it to Kyle, he's a real porn detective. If he's horny, He'll find the source in less than an hour."
Normally used to loudly call out the presence of a thot in the area, this phrase can also be used to call out the appearance of an important or threatening enemy in a PVE game, such as Hunters in the Division or Colossi in Destiny 2.
Agent 1: Ok, next wave, what's coming?
*hunter appears*
Agent 2: THOT DETECTED!
Agent 1: Thanks for the callout, I almost got hacked!
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A syndicate of special agents trained in the art of discovering what is known in the trade as "cretin on cretin love". This is when 2 (or more) lowly delinquents form a relationship based on deceit, only to be discovered and uncovered by the Cretin Detectives. After this relationship is unearthed the detectives are then obliged to bring this matter to the attention of anyone who will listen, causing unknown harm and humiliation to one or more of the Cretins.
Ways in which this can be done:
* Large posters in in highly populated areas.
* Telling family members anonymously.
* Flyer campaigns within large events such as fun fairs and children's game shows.
* Bringing to the attention of your flat mates a carefully placed mirror under a door.
... This will result in maximum circulation.
2 (or more) lowly delinquents form a relationship based on the premise that one of them will become bi-sexual and the other in order to hide this will have sexual relations with anyone that looks their way (or not), this includes: driving instructors; ex-boyfriends; ex-boyfriends of best friends; ex friends of boyfriends; friends from the past; friends from the present; and strangers who are friends you haven't met yet.
Eg. "Omgosh, those guys were so caught out by the cretin detectives!"
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The thrusting motion created when providing anal sex to another party. The term derives from a veterinarian providing a domesticated animal a rectal examination.
John: Hey man, when I went into your room yesterday, I saw you doing the Pet Detective on Emily.
James: Yeah. It's all in the arms.
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The breed of men who like to investigate meat and two veg.
Most famous of these being Cock Columbo.
I have to make sure there are no Dick Detectives operating before I take a squirt.
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