checking the digits

v. Thorough and generally spontaneous inspection of one's fingers.

Aristotle: "Why is Socrates looking at his fingers?"
Plato: "Man, he's just checking the digits, ain't nothing wrong with that."

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digital underwear

Something you need to keep yourself safe from the online predators that will try to get you where the sun don’t shine.

I got my digital underwear on 24/7 man, I don’t trust those sleazy fukkas for a second.

digital heroin

Used to describe very addictive video games or chat rooms.

EverQuest is digital heroin - people have lost jobs and spouses over it.

Digital Gonad

A remote worker who travels the world but can only talk about it in a conceited way. Key attributes may include:

• Traveling to cool places and ruining them in the process.
• Preaches about minimalistic lifestyle while life’s belongings are at parents’ house.
• Competes with US military for most unwanted presence.
• Unperturbed by the fact that their “unique find” coffee shop is filled with other digital gonads.

• Complains about capitalism while making 100x the average local salary.

• Sometimes doubles as a sex tourist.

• Leaves a trail of haters in their wake.

• Constantly reminds everyone about their odd working hours due to time differences.

• Travels the world but strategically leaves out Africa, India, and the Middle East.
• Disparages staying in one place but doesn’t realize they can only go their because people live in one place.

• Calls themselves a nomad but is over reliant on technology and infrastructure for basic survival
• Environmentalist but ignores their massive jet-setting lifestyle’s carbon footprint.

Things a digital gonad might say: Where’s the Wi-Fi? Why is the Wi-Fi bad? My Wi-Fi was bad so I couldn’t join the call. What’s the password to your Wi-Fi? Generally, too much discussion about Wi-Fi.

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Digital Prophet

Someone who preaches the gospel online. Whether on social media, internet forums, or any place else on the internet where free speech is abound.

I'm a digital prophet, meaning I preach the gospel of Jesus on the internet.

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Digital Chicken

The interference created in speakers by a cellular phone transmitting next to it that resembles synthesized chicken clucks.

Your phone rang next to the speakers during my favorite part of the song, and all I could hear was a digital chicken.

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Digital Buccaneer

Someone who obtains large amounts of video or music over the internet, usually by pirating or other questionable means.

Now that Pirate Bay is down the Digital Buccaneers will have to go elsewhere.

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