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The most disputed collection of books in existence. Contain many life morals, Logic Flaws, and contradictions. WILL cause a heated argument with a zealous Christian if you even dare question so much as a word in it Often thumped by devout followers and used as an excuse to preform radical, and absurd acts. It's meanings are misinterpreted, and skewed by the Bible thumpers that "study it".
Bible Thumper: HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD WORD ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST WHO DIED FOR YOUR SINS? NO? IT STATES IT IN THE BIBLE, WHICH IF YOU DON'T READ AND ACCEPT AS THE WORD OF GOD YOU WILL GO TO HELL! BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO BE SAVED! JUST COME TO OUR CHURCH AND----
Me: Kthanksbai *slams door*
Bible Thumper: BLAH BLAH BLAH RELIGIOUS QUOTE BLAH BLAH BLAH, TALK UNTIL I FEEL JUSTIFIED EVEN THOUGH THE DOOR WAS SHUT IN MY FACE. BLAH BLAH BLAH I DON'T QUESTION FUNDAMENTAL FLAWS OF RELIGION AND THE BIBLE. BLAH BLAH BLAH JOHN 3:16 BLAH BLAH BLAH I MOLEST CHILDREN.
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In the beginning the bountiful Lord created war. It is not known why God in his majesty did such a silly thing. He was grounded for a week. As if it wasn't bad enough he also had a baby with someone else's wife and it was naughty. Around this time God invented condoms but the Catholics confiscated them. They were strawberry flavoured as well. God was really sneaky and then invented femidoms, but no one used them because they looked silly. To make up for the condom incident God invented peace and also pizza. God then killed his son because he was stealing this thunger (literally). And then God had a new son with the angel Gabrielle and called it Chuck Norris.
THE END.
The Bible is always right.
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Hey i just got done watching hentai and some porn
(Jesus christ) Take this it's a Bible
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A "bible" is a very large stack of money. Another alteration of this world is "pocket bible", which means a smaller stack of money.
Ex 1: "Aye, look! It's a bunch of bibles in this duffle bag!"
Ex 2: "I can pull you some scriptures from a bible if you need some."
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An annoying and seemingly unending collection of literary works that were established by one story that was told to an old man by a talking bush.
Gradually, the story was recollected and rewritten and is now worshipped by brainwashed followers of an unproven historical event.
The millions of homes in which this book inhabits persist that followers symbolically eat the flesh and drink the blood of Christ, who is Jewish and his own father.
The book has sexist innuendoes such as Adam being made in "God's" likeness where as Eve was made of a piece of Adam's rib bone and dust.
The most fantastic piece of fiction ever written.
"That story we had to read could never happen."
"Yeah, just like the Bible."
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1,000 doses of LSD, usually in the form of 10 sheets of blotter acid (100 doses).
Church is for reading Bibles, music festivals are for eating Bibles.
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