z-job

To get head while still asleep.

I thought I was dreaming, but i was actually receiving a z-job....zzzzzzz.

152👍 69👎

Mcdonalds job

When you work at Mcdonalds and everyday at noon you run in the stock room grab asses and jack off on all of the dry stock. This also includes going into the freezer, shutting the door and screaming "Fuck this place." at the top of your lungs.

Other activities within this job include; placing happy meal toys into oil vats, starting fires while filtering, and making a fuck load of senior coffees for old people.

If you are planning to get a "McDonalds job" be prepared to make a shitload of double cheeseburgers, gain a lot of weight and hate your life.

Jake: I have a Mcdonalds job. *stabs self in face*

or

Rachael: Tomorrow I am going to bring a bomb to work at my Mcdonalds job.

93👍 39👎

Toe Job

When a female puts her toes around your dick and proceeds to give you a hand job with her foot. Usually liked by men with foot fetishes.

''Man, Suzy gave me the best toe job last night.''

''That is no surprise she has nice feet''

39👍 14👎

Dodd job

The agonisingly painful experience that is fellatio from a person with big teeth - be it Janet Street Porter, Lara Lewington, Esther Rantzen or indeed the eponymous Ken Dodd.

'Fancy another Dodd job, Normski?'

'No thank you Janet. By the way, have you seen the iodine?'

(credit: Profanisaurus)

30👍 10👎

Sleep Job

Where you and your girl are sleeping then you are awaken to a hand on your dong pumping away like an oil derek.

My girl and I were asleep and next thing ya know I wake up to her fast asleep and stroking :Sleep Jobing"my member. "Sleep Job"

23👍 7👎

Flipper job

When you get jacked off by a baby seal.

I went to the beach and when I got to far out I got a flipper job.

14👍 3👎

Throb-job

A lady, who to put it mildly, has a vagina that bares the signs and scars of much over-use in its time.

Person 1: So, did you fuck the shit out of that girl you keep chatting about.

Person 2: Look I'd rather leave this stone unturned, get my message.

Person 1: What, don't put that evil on me. Give me a straight answer, what's the problem.

Person 2: Well, she... she was a fucking throb-job you hear, her vagina looked like a fucking cement mixer ok, I'd need a fucking tree trunk just to hit the spot in that thing.

Person 1: Whoa man... you mean to tell me, that you... you never took your chances, she's like the hottest girl around the whole state.

Person 2: Well you try fucking her when you're presenting a fucking mountain with a bonsai tree, look it's her fault... I'm built just fine, so wipe that fucking smirk off your face.

13👍 3👎