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Battle-Jesus is the modernized savior from old. This version of Jesus tots a handgun, and tots an Uzi. Instead of the peaceful all-loving savior we are used to knowing, Battle-Jesus faces you with fire and brimestone. Destroying the sinners, and cleansing the world of all evil. This meaning that only hippies will be left, because they just sit around and smoke dope, and love the trees. And the bible aint saying nothin bout tree-sex.
Though, there have been, of course, varied versions of Battle-Jesus made throughout the course of history. Most notabley, a GI Joe Jesus figure.
Battle-Jesus!
Battle-Jesus is here.
Battle-Jesus!
Sinners cower in fear.
Battle-Jesus!
Armageddon on your Doorstep.
Battle-Jesus!
Death 'til only hippies are left.
Battle-Jesus!
It is believed that Jesus is a potato. He infact was not human like the bible sugests. Pages were ripped out of the original bible with all of the information and proof that Jesus was a potato. They have been recovered and the pages are believed to be Salt and Vinegar flavoured.
God knew that potato's were a superior species to humans and a perfect vessel for our savior. The human that claimed he was jesus was nailed to a cross for his stupid ideas, the real jesus "Potato Jesus" revived fake jesus being sympathetic to the pathetic human.
Potato Jesus' whereabouts are unknown but philosophers believe he built a Spud bag mothership and ventured onward to the world ruled by potatos and where humans are grown in the ground.
Jesus was a human
No Jesus is a potato. In fact he is Potato Jesus.
The saviour of low-budget, processed meat. Coming soon to a supermarket near you!
Jesus Ham: It's Christ-tastic!
A term that has no meaning, but is used commonly in a state of anger and frustration. Also has nothing to with Religious beliefs.
"Jesus Piss! Where did that guy come from?"
N. Meant as a derogatory description of fundamentalist Christians espousing "flakey" doctrine. Derived from cereal references. Rice Crispies, Rice Flakes etc.
"I wish that Jesus Crispy would stop trying to convert me."
Any van larger than a "soccer mom" car can be called a "big jesus". The term alludes to such 4 row vans used by travelling church groups, which can seat around 8-10 people at maximum capacity. (These types of cars are also often used by campers and carpoolers.)
The term can be used as a size and appearance description with or without implication. A noncommittal use of the term in reference to one's own (or a friend's/family's) car can constitute the term as more of a pet name than sarcastic or mocking. However the term can easily be darkly mocking, mildly to moderately sarcastic and passive aggressive- a common implication being that that the speaker has a dislike or little patience for organized religions and their public visibility of character and/or influence common in areas like the American bible belt.
1: Person A- "Did you get stuck riding in the big jesus to the feild trip?"
Person B- "Ya, I was herded in with a bunch of other people."
2: Person A- "Mom's going to pick us up in big jesus."
Person B- "Ok."
3: (In a parking lot) Person A- "Yikes, look, it's a big jesus."
Person B- "Weirdos, freaks and bigots, oh my!"
Person A- "Hahaha, too true."