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A neckless "beefcake". A man who is on serious steroids and is built like a brick shit house
You need to lay off the steroids.... You look like a penis turtle.
4👍 1👎
Highly evolved human form consistant of
Part Turtle / Part Monkey:
An insane, silly, complex monkey that keeps everything you ever wanted to know locked inside his turtle shell. He is intelligent, sexy, mysterious, sweet (when he wants to be), great at a number of sexual favors, and good conversation (when he can be pulled away from his electronic toys). One day I may just have to smash his shell with a hammer and reveal all his secrets. He has a sidekick named Tony, who really knows how to work it. His toungue will drive you insane. His lips will make you melt. His complexity will never cease to amaze you, as you lie awake at night pondering how he just made your toes tingle and your eyes fill with tears....
Who knew?...that Turtle Monkey would flip my world upside down and leave me standing at the edge of the earth with my mouth wide open, wondering what the hell happened to my sanity?
23👍 16👎
Refraining from such act as "pooing" when your turd comes out a little and then goes back in!
Right now im Turtle heading.
Dam i need the crapper, i'm turtle heading!
16👍 10👎
Retardedly slow drivers who insist on going at least 10 miles under the speed limit, whilst in snychronization, causing the brains of all drivers behind the turtles to explode out of the tops of their heads.
When you're driving & 2 (or more) nitwits (usually people 55+) are having a turtle race at the exact same speed as eachother (generally 45 mph & lower) in front of you, making it so no one can pass until another lane opens, resulting in you, the driver, screaming really loudly due to infuriation.
11👍 7👎
(Noun) A fart that creates a rapid, snapping noise as it is expelled.
Dick: What in the hell was that?
Jane: It was a barking turtle.
Dick: Pee-yooo...
Or, alternatively,
Dick: I think someone just broke into the house.
Jane: No, it was just my turle barking.
Dick: Pee-yooo...
7👍 3👎
Why
Person 1 (throws straw into lake)
Vsco girl AND I OOP AND I OOP SAVE THE TURTLES SKAKSKSKSKSKSK
7👍 3👎
When you have to go to take a shit so badly that you choke the turtle on its way out - making it purple.
John: Code brown.
Sally: Do you really have to go that bad?
John: Damn right, I've got a purple turtle.
17👍 11👎