Ironing from home

A working arrangement where one interupts the domestic chores every 5 minutes to push the mouse a quarter inch, or glance at your inbox, hence giving the impression of doing some actual work work.

Look at the mess in my house! It's a good job I'm ironing from home tomorrow so I can get tidied up.

Driving a coworker home

When you are out at night with a coworker of the opposite sex & end up driving them home & somehow magically wake up in their bed the next morning.

Dan ended his night last night by driving a coworker home. He drove Sarah home from the bar last night. I went to pick up Dan this morning to play golf & he wasn't at his apt. Instead, he was at Sarah's from the night before and she was making him pancakes.

15👍 1👎

cone of home depot

The conically shaped area on a weather map that simultaneously predicts where a hurricane will make landfall and which Home Depot locations will make record profits

"Dem jews dat run Home Depot were profiteers of the fear of african Americans! The black man must fear the cone of home depot!" - Spike Lee

26👍 3👎

Home Field Advantage

Taking a dump in your own bathroom.

Buddy #1 : Take me home I gotta take a deuce.

Buddy #2 : Dude just take shit at my house.

Buddy #1 : Come on bro, You know I need the home field advantage.

26👍 3👎

the lights are on, but there's nobody home

Someone who is mentally vacant. "Fit in body but sick in mind" as one may have said in an ancient Catholic will.

Q:Why does she just sit in that rocking chair all day?


A:The lights are on, but there's nobody home.

51👍 7👎

let's go home

that shitty last thing you say to your friend as they bleed to death in a burning building.

"Let's go home, Hide."

44👍 7👎

Drive Home Alone

Jacking off. Masturbating. Achieving an orgasm alone.

"I have driven home alone, this will be the last time I drive alone, just swallow my load and I will be happy."

The date ended pussyless. I had to drive home alone that night.

15👍 1👎