Jesus Jail

Being trapped with your family because of a Christ-related holiday. Most typically Christmas.

Chris: "Hey, are we playing Halo tomorrow night?"
John: "I wish. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve so I'll be stuck in Jesus Jail."

12👍 2👎

Jesus Eyes

1) Eyes that are slightly glazed over and wide.
-Enlarged pupils but not red
-Could be mistaken as being on drugs.
-Usually associated with a blinding white smile.

2) Judgmental tolerance; superficial
-Tend to be flight attendants, members of choir groups and owner's of craft-stores.
-Support Prop 8, wear pearls and look like Stepford Wives.

Is she stoned or is she so fake that she has Jesus Eyes ?

40👍 12👎

jesus swift

a good person (jesus) and a 🐍 (taylor swift)

"i'm sorry the old jesus swift can't come to the phone right now."

45👍 14👎

Personal Jesus

1) Cool song originally done by Depeche Mode and covered by such people as Gravity Kills, Marilyn Manson, and Johnny Cash.

2) Someone to hear your prayers. Someone who cares

1) Personal Jesus is one of Depeche Mode's best known song

2) Pick up the receive, I'll make you a believer

231👍 92👎

jesus sandwich

the wafer the priest gives during communion
(also referred to as christ sandwich)

a person visiting a catholic church asks, "what is that they're eating?" The reply, "that's a jesus sandwich!"

19👍 4👎

Jesus Jammies

A required undergarmet that Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (mormons)must always wear.

"Her jesus jammies are showing!"

30👍 8👎

Samurai Jesus

Jesus Christ as a samurai warrior. He defined the true meaning of "the last supper" when he took on the Ninja assholes after they were done with their rice balls. Samurai Jesus is also the master of air hockey...nobody beats him.

"I challenged Samurai Jesus to a game of air hockey and he beat me like a bitch."

58👍 19👎