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Mix a Mike's Hard Lemonade with 2oz of Gin
Craig: Hey fag, is that a Mike's Hard Lemonade?
You: No man.
Craig: Gin and Tonic?
You: Nope. It's a Tim's Hard Lemonade, bitch.
8👍 9👎
When a girl is sucking dick, and goes for the ass. Is both a verb and a noun.
"And then she heads for the ass, and full Rim Tim Timmy's me"
"Got a great Rim Tim Timmy last night"
2👍 1👎
A person who thinks he is the most needed guy at work when really he is nothing but lazy durring his day job. But at night he has a side job on the vegas strip where he then puts 10 dicks inside of him all at once. And at the end of the day he still couldn’t find the part, because thats not his job.
Hey man did you see that show last nigt with 10 dick Tim? Yeah man he took all thise cocks like a real man.
2👍 1👎
How to perform a Tim Tam Slam:
You someone you really trust, and inject their ass with novacaine. You then have them perform a handstand while someone holds their legs. You then put hot chocolate inside their anus, (like how they put water and stuff from porn) then get a Tim Tam, bite both ends, and drink the chocolate out of their ass like a straw.
Guy 1: hey dude, we've been friends for a long time and..
Guy 2: yeah?
Guy 1: I was wondering if you wanted to do a Tim Tam Slam with me.
Guy 2: I would be absolutely honored to.
Guy 3: I'll hold his legs!
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when a girl is getting fucked in the ass and another girl is eating out the man's asshole while fingering her own
Sally's asshole is still throbbing after that Tim Buck Two last night
43👍 94👎
A hammer signed by Tim Allen. Used to fix Cam's porch, and kill kids from Carrick. "I wish you wouldda got me a Tim Allen Sledgehammer." Put in carpenter pants hammer hole.
I got a Tim Allen Hammer! Ahhhhhhhuhhhhhh. They gonna see Tim Allen on the hammer and they'll be like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
6👍 8👎
Just like cockblocked by steve jobs....only Tim Cook is the new CEO. When you are about to hit on somebody, only they pull out their ipod and plug in their headphones, blocking them from the outside world.
Jacob: Saw this girl on the train on the way to atlanta, was about to go hit on her but then she pulled out her ipod....
Chris: Damn son you got cockblocked by Steve Jobs.
Jacob: Nope....cockblocked by Tim Cook.
8👍 15👎