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A Pseudo-Intellectual is somebody who thinks he's got it all figured out, but really doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.
TheAmazingAtheist is the perfect example of a Pseudo-Intellectual.
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A relationship where the only benefit is intellectual favors. Eg. Writing an assignment for a friend.
S: so I wrote a 100000 word essay for him.
I: Why are you writing assignments for him? What in the intellectual fwb is this?
S: I guess we are intellectual fwbs.
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Most accurately defined in I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker max:
"{A pseudo-intellectual typically has}horn-rimmed glasses, drinks Pinot Grigio by the glass at bars, buys poetry books but never reads them, avoids red meat, shops at the Kiehls counter, acts indignantly offended by Howard Stern,{and}likes to drop names like 'Foucault' and 'Sartre' in normal conversation."
These individuals, typically between 17 and 35 in age, can generally be found in the local coffee shop or art gallery and become very prevalent near the coastlines. However, the most common breeding grounds for pseudo-intellectuals are college campuses, with special emphasis on the Ivies, the Ivy equivalents, and tiny-ass liberal arts colleges.
Further characteristics of a pseudo intellectual include:
-ordering appletinis by the glass and requesting that they be "heavy on the apple and light on the 'tini."
-Rolling their own cigarettes (if they smoke).
-Railing on smokers for polluting the environment (if they don't smoke).
-Driving a small-ass hybrid, eating dolphin safe tuna, and criticizing those who pollute despite the fact that their Clinique makeup (if they are girls)was tested on defenseless animals and poor kids in Nepal.
-Acting "eccentric" to differentiate themselves from the masses as to seem unique, even though their kind are quite common.
-Consistently criticizing America and its citizens for no good reason, followed by the claim that they will move to Paris after they graduate from college in order to escape American "hypocrisy" and "naivete" in pursuit of a "higher culture." I didn't know high culture was defined as the act of running to America when in need then returning the favor by bitching out and waiving the white flag when America needed help (yeah, I'm talking about France).
-being nonconformists for the sake of nonconformity. The problem here is that by not conforming, they are actually conforming to the nonconformist movement and, thus, are still conformists. The majority will just respond by calling you "domesticated and uncultured" while the few honest ones will realize the error of their ways and immediately kill themselves to rectify the situation (but much to my dismay, this rarely happens).
-Having extremely bizarre statuses and/or information in their facebook profiles.
-being "liberal" solely for the sake of being liberal. Ask them what liberalism is and they will provide you with some nonsensical prattle about how you are not "enlightened" enough to understand their supposedly superior logic.
-watching or claiming to watch and enjoy French movies that no one has ever heard of. They also read similar books and will willingly criticize you for reading good fiction books like Harry Potter or reading any form of nonfiction.
-Liking Che Guevara yet knowing absolutely nothing about him or what he did. This trait is shared by wannabe Rastas as well.
Bastions of pseudo-intellectualism:
-Columbia University
-Harvard University
-Davidson College
-Carleton College
-UChicago
-Every high ranking liberal arts school
-Any school with a strong art or environmental studies program.
Douglas: This girl in my biology class about how great this new french movie called "L'SurrenderMonkey" was. When I asked her if she saw "Taken," she stated that she "finds American cinema to be far too bland, as the characters typically lack emotional complexity and generally never experience a cathartic moment of transcendence."
Zach: Fucking pseudo-intellectual. How did you respond?
Douglas: With 30 seconds of dumbstruck staring....then I proceeded to powder the pimp hand and slap her multiple times across the face.
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Fascinating intellectual breakthroughs regarding reality, language, existence, knowledge, perception, or human behavior which are completely unprovable and utterly without use, and therefore of no real consequence to anyone. See also: philosophy
Etymology: the mental counterpart to masturbation; i.e. a process that is very pleasurable but hasn't accomplished anything at the end.
The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis states that language influences human thought, so that native speakers of different languages think about concepts in incommensurably distinct modes. Linguists and psychologists contend fiercely over the validity of this claim, oblivious to the fact that it is intellectual masturbation.
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A "Fucking know it all"
"Mary is a true sexual intellectual you know"
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Pseudo-intellectuals tend to own themselves using the word, "pseudo-intellectual".
"You should stop trying to be pseudo-intellectual and just accept that you're an idiot," the internet elitist said proudly, his puny bear chest puffing at the cleverness of his retort.
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A guy (usually) with unrequited lust for a girl.
The girl may keep him around for a number of reasons, including self aggrandizement, intellectual stimulation or entertainment.
See also wordintellectual pimp/word, wordcuddle bitch/word, wordninja bitch/quote, wordladder theory/word, wordladder disparity/word
'I used to be Stacy's intellectual whore, but I'm over her now.'
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