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THE MOST BADASS ANIMAL ON THE PLANET. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A LIVING TANK.
"Damn do you see that guy over there who owns a tortoise?"
"Fucking badass"
Tortoises are horrible, disgusting abominations ruled by the tyrant Presidant of the United Testudines of America, Donald J. Tortoise. These horrid BEAST where once peaceful with the turtles and terrapins, until they suddenly attacked, why they did this is still unknown, but Presidant Donald Tortoise is proven to be a part of it by Queen Turtahl IV of the TU/Testudine Kingdom's spy's. Hopefully someday the Turtles will successfully rise against these terrible tyrants. The shibe in the gif by the way, the tortoise is taking it as a slave.
Tortoises must all burn in hell as they are corrupted far to much to ever make peace. Turtles and terrapins are godly!
Woman 60 years plus on the hunt for younger man.
She is a tortoise, her new boyfriend is 22 and she is 63
The joyful tortoise lives in the state of Florida where adultery is the lowest per capita and it may be why it has the most cities that have Saint in their name.
Flaccid, impotent male genitals that result from consuming too much alcohol (esp. whiskey or bourbon).
"He got so drunk and later, in bed, he had a total whiskey tortoise. I lied and told him that it was fine and that all that mattered was being close to him."
A version of docking in which one participant wears a condom (for safety or other reasons).
George is just getting to know Rocco and doesn't feel comfortable docking with him without a condom and prefers the Roman Tortoise method
When the golden brown tortoise appears without announcement. Leading to shit yourself issues.
I was happily talking to this hot girl and the roller skating tortoise arrived