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While the service does suck dogshit, and is incredibly slow at times, and is full of glitches, the REAL fun comes when you are cancelling your membership, because the representatives will do anything to keep you using the AOL service, and they don't seem to understand the word "NO".
Joe: I would like to cancel my AOL membership.
AOL Rep: Why?
Joe: I have found AOL to be expensive for my budget and I am switching to a cheaper alternative instead.
AOL Rep: $28 a month is not expesive!
Joe: It is when you are a college student, and if NetZero and Juno are offering the same Internet package for $15 a month.
AOL Rep: Alright. How about we just sign you to our Netscape plan for $19.99?
Joe: No thank you.
AOL Rep: Um....how about you tell us exactly how long you will not be using AOL?
Joe: Not ever again.
AOL Rep: You know, you are ruining my chance to get another pay bonus.
Joe: And I could care less. Please just cancel my account already.
AOL Rep: Shit! he's not as gullible as we thought.....did I just say that out loud?
Joe: Yup.
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1. America On-Line, one of the first ISP's available for mainstream US. It is not very well liked, and is usually very slow. Put out "free" software through the mail almost monthly for a time, leaving many with useless extra discs. Still around today, AOL is now riddled with problems such as its lack of speed, annoyance of use, and its bad reputation.
*NOTE: Not to be confused with AoL, which is short for the second game in the Legend of Zelda series, "Adventure of Link" for the NES, which introduced RPG elements (i.e, leveling up) into the series.*
*annoying dial-up noise*
You've got mail.
*computer crashes*
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a company that sends you free drink coasters.
person00: hey, we got a new aol coaster. this one is 6.5 it must be better than our last 4.0 coaster.
person01: cool, ill add it to the other 300 we have.
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Almost On Line
It's so fun to get these free disks in tin boxes. It serves many purposes.
1. You can use the disks as (but not limited to) frisbees, ornaments, anger management, and food.
2. The tin boxes can be all of the above mentioned and also pet cages.
Radio Talk Show Host (RTSH): Hello, Mike?
Mike (M): Hey. I have a problem with my internet.
RTSH: Well Mike, what type of internet do you have?
M: AOL...
RTSH: AHA! I think I've already found your problem!
M: REALLY!?
RTSH: Yep, didn't you know AOL stands for Almost On Line? You gotta use the real stuff man.
(This was an actual conversation on a radio talk show station in Arizona, USA)
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The worlds most widespread computer virus. Packaged with almost every software, and even your magazines, and your personal mail, it is impossible to avoid. Al-Quaeda supports AOL. BURN THE AOL BEFORE THEY ATTACK AGAIN!
The AOL Virus Version 9.0 just came in the mail! Throw it in the AOL Crematorium!
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1.) The label on all of my coasters
2.) An ISP that requires you use their browser to surf the bit of the web that they want you to see
3.) A spyware propegator (now against the law), which charges you to use its software
4.) The cause of almost 24% of all technical support calls
5.) An ISP that claims to make the internet better, but only adds a front page, and adware, which you must deal with if you wish to be a member
6.) The spring board for many people who should be banned from the internet for blatent stupidity
7.) A company that advertises "A better way to internet," even though the software/ISP that they offer adds nothing whatsoever to the internet at all. It merely adds software to the customer's computer; not even to the aspect of the computer that is inherently a part of the internet
8.) The part after the @ and before the .com in the email addresses of people who you would not like to spend an evening with
9.) The defining aspect of AOLer, the universal term for a stupid internet user
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The worse ISP there is, if you could even call it an ISP. It is the boyband of ISP's i.e. Annoying, gay, used by small children...And yet I'm stuck with it...For now, the free six months is almost up, then I'm moving to a real ISP. Although I must say, AOL version 8.HOE doesn't boot me as much as AOL version 5.HOE used to...
Guy 1: "You have AOL?!"
Guy 2: "Yeah..."
Guy 1: "Let us pray for your soul."
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