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"How did it go last night?"
"Oh, it was Canada's History. Not really down with that, you know... But I guess it's cultural."
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To fully understand Canada's History, one must have had sexual relationship with a direct descendant of Canada's Historians. Requirements:Two Straight or Gay women (1 Relative),1 Straight Male with min 10" penis,6 Midgets,1 9" Cactus,1 wild animal's head(Moose Preferred) filled with Maple Syrup, A Canoe or a Raft.
Load everything into the raft and down a shallow river where one can expect many Rapids.5 midgets must steer the raft into rapids while the 6th, without using his tiny arms, must completely undress the two maidens.At which point you pour the maple syrup from the Wild Animal's Head onto the ladies making sure that every inch is amply covered.Upon reaching the rapids get the ladies into a 69 position and the midget must rapidly put the cactus in and out a lady's asshole from one end. This when coupled with the maple syrup and the uneven rapids is painfully reminiscent of the Intercolonial Wars that erupted between 1689 and 1763, ultimately culminating in a blood filled orgasm strangely signifying the Birth of Quebec.On the other end your goal is to take your10inches and in a swift motion must pistol whip all the 5 midgets steering the raft and finally enter the woman on the other side. Now repeat this process 12 times to ultimately have a raft shaking orgasm filling the woman with a your manseed. Thi surprisingly guarantees that the offspring will be a female and thereby ensuring that Canada's History is carried on forward for years to come.
Now over the years, Canada's History has been modified to include easily identifiable objects such as the Stanley Cups to replace the wild animal's head and less painful items such as antlers to replace cactus.
A fair warning that Canada's History is not suitable for Lumber Jacks, Pregnant women, Male Homosexuals, People suffering from Lollypopguildophobia and of course East Asians.
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Successfully executing a rodeo rider after whispering into the girl's ear that you are from Canada. However, for a true Canada's history, one must substitute a penis for a moose antler, use maple syrup for lubrication and, most importantly, hoist the Stanley Cup up in the air after completion, yelling: "For Canada!"
"Dude, I stole the Stanley Cup so I could pull a Canada's History on your sister. I told her I was Canadian and she still let the antler stay in for like 10 seconds!"
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the most gruesome sex act in the kama sutra that usually involves maple syrup, at least one moose, a duck, the stanley cup, and as many beavers as you'd like. This sex position is less popular than most others mainly because it is stickier than most, but is still gaining popularity in certain regions.
"hey stephen, wanna go have some hot sticky 'canada's history'-style sex?"
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Canadians are nice, polite, non-violent people, so don't believe all this crap about moose antlers, maple syrup, the Stanley Cup, or mounties. In fact, nothing depraved ever happens in Canada. Up here north of the 49th, the term Canada's History simply refers to any friendly act of Sex in the Snow, wearing clap skates. And if Stephen Colbert doesn't know that, he should have his ombudsmanship revoked.
I have a degree in Canada's History, but they wouldn't let me in the Olympics anyway.
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An effective diversion for those who are caught in the act of Colbert Reporting.
Colbert Reporting involves bears, a speed skate, glen beck, pages from Sarah Palins autobiography, and yelling out " Apollo Anton OH NO"
When caught performing this audacious act, Colbert Reporters often divert attention by accusing others of performing Canada's history ( a true urban legend).
" What are you and Glen Beck doing in the back of Scott Brown's Truck?" ..... " Officer if you look two vehicles down you'll realize they're performing Canada's History" ......
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To spend an entire night trying to do all of the sex acts described on urbandictionary.com
Including:
Angry Dragon
Alaskan Tailpipe
The Electric Chair
Cosby Sweater
Brown Necktie
The Carpet Cleaner
Chocolate Pizza
Dog In A Bathtub
rusty trombone
blimpie
Donkey Punches
Jelly Donut
The Flying Camel
Aunt Jemima's Gumbo
rose budding
Alabama Hot Pocket
and anything/everything else
"Last night me and this chick decided to get drunk and do Canada's History. And then after, we found out there's gonna be a magazine named that soon, CRAZY!"
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