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A girlfriend. When you're getting it on the regular, you don't need to hold your own. Now you can play videogames while bustin' a nut, because you've got both hands free.
Peter: "Dude, who was that hottie I saw you with at the club last night?"
Paul: "Oh, that's Bethany. She's my hands-free masturbation device."
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One way to say "good bye" to your friends.
"See ya later masturbator!"
"In a while, pedophile!"
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Mega March Masturbation Mayhem is an exciting sport for men to play to show who can nut the most. Fill a bracket with 32 men who's ready to play head-to-head. Each player has 24 hours to nut more times than their opponent to move on to the next round. Keep winning to be crowned champion of Mega March Masturbation Mayhem.
Dude are you ready to start Mega March Masturbation Mayhem?
When you want to end your life but instead of ending your life you aggressively masturbate for 47 minutes while FaceTiming someone named Lauren (its gotta be 47 minutes exactly) to distract yourself from your thoughts
"God I really wish I was dead"
"Have you tried Suicidal masturbation w Lauren?"
"Not yet, I'll get on that"
MMM is the abbreviation for one of the hardest challenges the average woman will face if she wishes to attempt it. MMM stands for "Must not Masturbate March" where a woman is test to the core of her will. She will have to go the whole month of March with out masturbating. Many women compare this challenge to Navy SEAL training.
Woman 1: Girl are you still doing Must not Masturbate March ( MMM )?
Woman 2: No way girl I barley lasted 5 days and I finally gave into ( MMM )
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1:One who publically masturbates, then proceeds to fuck horses. 2: An insult that will single-handedly catch off guard, and complealty shock the receiver of this insult.
1. Some Guy: Look at that public-mastur..... Oh no! No! No! No! Now he's fucking a horse! That public-masturbating-horse-fucker! 2. Guy 1: You're a douche-bag! Guy 2: You're a public-masturbating-horse-fucker! Guy 1: *falls over, and dies of shock*
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"Mustn't Masturbate Merry Christmas" is a challenge given to mostly men that revolves around that masturbating for all of Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Those who fail are forced to become elves, working in Santa's workshop for the rest of their lives. Those who pass, however, are given 30 minutes to do what they'd like with Mrs Claus, Santa's wife. Most, however, tend to pork her.
Person 1: Why have you been so down recently?
Person 2: I don't know. I just can't find the holiday spirit.
Person 1: Just participate in "Mustn't Masturbate Merry Christmas"!
Person 2: What's that?
Person 1: *shows them Urban Dictionary definition*
Person 2: Don't ever talk to me again.
Person 1: *commits suicide*
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