wank catcher

A toady, sycophant, crawly person.

"Tonight on Question Time we have big-mouthed fuckwit Janet Street-Porter, grinning geek Professor Steven Hawking and Tony Blair's wank catcher, Peter Mandleson."

15👍 8👎

Crying Wank

1)To weep whilst engaging in self abuse.

2)To masturbate with a lonely tear in your eye whilst listening to your mate ridin' some bird upstairs

"I got dumped last night.. I felt so shitty that I went home in the rain and had a crying wank on the way..."

"Chapín is a crying wank legend!"

29👍 16👎

Scat Wank

A Scat Wank involves the "wanker" convering their penis and testicles(maybe even whole body if desired) in faeces. Then they should "rub one out" so to speak with ones fallus covered in excrement.

Advertisement-
Male 1: "Yo dude, have you heard of this new craze which has hit America?"
Male 2: *Shocked expression* "Wow what is that?"
Male 1: "It's called scat wanking."

Voice over: "Scat wanking is avalable for anyone wherever they are...but if you go to an organised party forget Bring Your Own Beer the new phrase is 'Bring Your Own Shit'"

Small Print- * We (The Government) do not hold responsibility for Aids contracted in the pool, from shit dick or from a scat wank.

23👍 12👎

shit wank

A total and complete dickoff in wich no one likes.

holy shit, jerrys such a wannbe ganster, I HATE THAT SHIT WANK!

56👍 38👎

Ass Wank

Another term for anal sex. Mostly used by religious people, who believe in no sex before marriage - but feel the urge to have sexual intercourse.

Ay lad that bird gives good 'ass wanks'!

16👍 9👎

Cowboy Wank

A delectable art of multitasking - that involves a male masturbating while seated on a toilet as he simultaneously does a poo.

"I'm horny but I need take a shit as well. I might go for a cowboy wank."

13👍 7👎

wank mop

Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.

I got myself into a right mess last night,I'd ran out of toilet roll so I had to use my sock as a wank mop.

13👍 6👎