where have you been?

the question every man fears...

wife: where have you been?
husband: ...

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Dude, you have no Qur’an

1. To abruptly prove to someone that they are mistaken.

Jacob Isom (23 year old skate boarder) rolled up to a hate-mongering preacher in Texas and snatched away a Qur'an that the idiot was about to light on fire.

After stripping the ball from a player who is driving to the rim, you say "Dude, you have no Qur’an!"

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Did you have the kids?

to release a loud and obnoxious fart in the company of others

Yo - Josh - did you have the kids? Or did you shit your pants?

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There is no point in having a tail and wagging it

If you are in charge of a group of people there is no point in doing the work yourself, instead of making your workers do it for you.

The supervisor Phil was shoveling sawdust while his workers were watching. Marcus yelled out 'there is no point in having a tail and wagging it'. Phil put the shovel down and made the workers do the shoveling.

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Do you have parents?

Used when there is an awkward pause and/or to start a conversation. Can be awkward depending on the individuals conversation skills.

person 1: ....

person 2: .... Do you have parents?

person 1: yes...?

person 2: cool.

person 1: ....

person 2: ....

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i have a wide stance

Bullet-proof excuse for soliciting sex from the man in the next cubicle in the men's room. Commonly used in concert with the even more convincing "I'm not gay."

Man 1: "Why did you attempt to grab my penis?"
Man 2: "I have a wide stance."

Man 1: "Why are you wearing pantyhoses and high heels?"
Man 2: "I have a wide stance."

Man 1: "Why are you such an asshole?"
Kim Jung Il: "I have a wide stance."

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i have feelings for you

when someone says they "have feelings for you", it usually means they are attracted to you and they want to date you.

however, this is not always the case. when you're in a friends with benefits relationship, it's very likely that one or both of the participants have feelings for each other (or like each other). However, usually friends with benefits ARE friends with benefits because they don't want the pressure of being in a relationship.

when it is established that the friends with benefits have feelings for each other, things are kinda taken to the next level, and they sort of date without really dating (as in, they don't change their relationship status on facebook). So they mess around like old times, except now it's more passionate.

scenario one:

guy- i have feelings for you
girl- i have feelings for you too! let's date

they live happily ever after

scenario two:

guy with benefits- you aren't just a booty call anymore... i have feelings for you
girl with benefits- i have feelings for you too! let's bang.

they have beautiful sex

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