Shit My Bed

an exclamation of surprise or dismay following the delivery of important or significant news, as one would be surprised after shitting the bed

Guy #1: "Hey dude, we're going out to the club after the game."
Guy #2: "Well, shit my bed, that's gonna be a hell of a good time."

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put someone to bed

to have sexual intercourse with someone before their bedtime, and not join them to bed at that same time (but at a later time)

Hello all, I'm back in the game; Sorry I had to put someone to bed / put the missus to bed (if you know what I mean)

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Berkeley bed and breakfast

Basically the worst thing that could ever happen at night and then it gets even worse the following morning.

When you wake up with a cuck trying to butt tug you after protesting Donald Trump all night, then trying to pull away from the butt tug and ending up with the shitty dick in your mouth. All you wanted was some scrambled eggs, but now you have a bleeding anus, a shitty mouth, and no god damned eggs. And Antifa shows up smelling like Antifa Queefa, what the fuck. You just want to go home, find your dad and do a butt tug, but Antifa has you surrounded and is trying to get you a job at the nut factory. When you finally sneak out, you fall into your best friend Rachel’s noodle canoe and she then feeds you a Cali cupcake. Once you finally escape with freshly acquired 7+ STDs your all like “WTF bro, Berkeley bed and breakfast is the god damned worse”

The Berkeley Bed and Breakfast was way more fucked up than I thought

She looked good from far but far from good, now that I stayed at the Berkeley Bed and Breakfast my insurance skyrocketed

Dude 1: What is a Berkeley Bed and Breakfast!?!?
Dude 2:Look it up on Urban Dictionary you lazy fheg

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bed pan lazy

So lazy, one would rather poop in a pan than get out of bed.

Matt Newman is bed pan lazy. =)

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passenger side of the bed

the side of the bed I do not sleep on

Diva, when working, always insisted that clients sleep on the passenger side of the bed

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breakfast in bed

Defecating on your partner in the morning after a night of sleeping and sexual relations together

First popularized by Cap and D-Dog (the word not the action) in Seattle

Gonna Surprise Laya with some breakfast in bed

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Bunk-bed BJ

A Bunk-bed BJ is a bunk-bed blowjob that a guy gives his bunk-mate if he lies on the top bunk and lets his sausage hang between the slats in the bed so the guy below can suck a bunk-gasm out of him and swallow it.

I've given a lot of Bunk-bed BJs -- want one?

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