Round Horder's Without An Arse-Guard

Similar to the phrase 'up the creek without a paddle'; it is used to describe a terrible situation which there is no way to resolve. 'Horder' is a known bummer, so to be round his house without an arse-guard suggest an anal-rape is likely for the guardless individual.

I acidentally flushed my friends english coursework down the the toliet the day before he had to hand it in. If he finds out I'm round Horder's without an arse-guard.

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couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo

Phrase usually used to describe a sub-standard football player whose shooting ability leaves a lot to be desired.A variation on the classic phrase:"Couldn't hit a barn door from 10 paces".

"That Morientes fellow appears to be a waste of money.He couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo."

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Blow sunshine up your arse

To speak bullshit to someone in a complimentary way. Commonwealth "arse" spelling preferred, as this expression probably has a London origin.

Usually expressed in the negative, by someone professing sincerity.

I'm not going to blow sunshine up your arse, Peter; you're the second-best of the surviving Doctor Whos.

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Arse like a pillowcase full of weasels

A posterior which is large, aesthetically grim, structurally unsound and generally fucking horrible.

"Seen the state of Carol? She's got an arse like a pillowcase full of weasels!"

arse hole corsair

A person who mounts raids on arse holes with his fleshy cutlass.

Stay away from bars in Clapham, its full of arse hole corsairs

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fart higher than your arse

To harbour an inflated opinion of oneself.

As in “That lad David Beckham. He farts higher than his own arse”.

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arse like the top of a sauce bottle

Similar to the following:
* Arse like a blood orange
* Arse like a fresh bullet wound
* Arse like the Japanese flag

can be used to describe untold pain - often a burning sensation - when taking a dump. Spicy foods such as curry can impart such feelings and so too a bad stomach where it feels like you have taken to pissing out of your arsehole ( and the repeated wiping only serves to make it worse)

It is a reference to the visual appearance of the top of a bottle of Heinz Tomato Ketchup. More specifically a large glass and well-used bottle as found in truckers cafes where the lid is often left off and the red ketchup congeals in to something somewhat unsightly.

i.e - "Jeez, I shouldn't have had that vindaloo last night. I've got an arse like the top of a sauce bottle

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