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When you were 18, the university recruiters told you chemical engineering had "so much variety" and "so many opportunities!" Now, you're graduating 4 years later and have realized that your only two options include oil refining (making gasoline from crude oil) and plastics (making polyethylene from ethylene).
This is probably okay, because whatever you suffer in breathing in toluene all day wearing dark coverall FRC's in 95°F weather, you'll make up for with a 6-digit salary right out of school. You also find yourself with a strangely intimate understanding of how everything around you works, like swimming pools, HVAC, cars, plumbing... everything.
Snooty grad-school materials researcher: "So what are you doing after you graduate?"
You: "I'll be working for a (Exxon/Valero/TOTAL/Phillips66/Shell/Citgo/Lyondell/BP) refinery."
SNGSMR: "Oh, so you're *just* a chemical process engineer?"
You: *grabbing another beer, talking to someone else, driving home in your brand new car...*
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1. Identify problem
2. Research that shit
3. Develop possible solutions; no retarded ideas
4. Select a non-shit solution
5. Build that shit
6. Test and evaluate that shit
7. Improve that shit
8. Repeat if needed
Tom: "hey, I need help with this tech-ed assignment"
Jeremy: "just use the Engineering Design Process, you fucking melon"
Step One: flatter and sweet talk
Step Two: pretend you're husband material
Step Three: send shirtless pic
Step Four: talk about the future
Step Five: send dick pic
This process never fails in getting girls.
Justin Choi executed the five step process flawlessly.
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When you have so much air pressure in your intestine that your bowls begin to retract causeing an imbigulously involuntary extraction of fecies into the lavoritory causing the dihydrogen monoxide to be intercalated into your rectum.
Doctor: your son will not be living much longer.
Parent: why?
Doctor: im sorry to say that he... he(sigh).. he has undergone the Reverse-methane process.
Parent: thats to bad. i guess.
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In today's day and age we don't have time to do our daily activities. We must learn to multitask in order to be as efficient as possible. How could one possibly expand their anus and make Pillsbury brand biscuits at the same time if not by the use of the Pillsbury Baking Process. The goal of the process is simple; it is not only to stretch out ones rectum, but also to bake some nice, crispy Pillsbury brand biscuits in the meantime.
The steps are as follows:
Step 1: Insert an unopened tin container of Pillsbury Brand Biscuits up your anus, be sure to open the sphincter to avoid causing damage.
Step 2: Once the tin is entirely submerged within the lining of your anus, go for an extensive period of exercise. Go for a run, a mountain bike adventure, or whatever your heart desires. The goal is to raise your internal body temperature.
Step 3: During the height of your workout, if all steps of the process were done correctly you will hear a significant *pop* sound. Do not worry. This is natural as the tin has opened thanks to the significant increase in pressure due to the increase in surrounding temperature.
Step 4: Let the biscuits drop onto the floor and be prepared to enjoy your new anus AND your fresh biscuits.
Son: Mother, I heard a popping noise come from your tuchus, did you happen to break your hip?
Mother: Do not be afraid, young child. For I was just using the Pillsbury Baking Process to craft some rolls for our family dinner on this fine evening. Would you like one?
Son: Oh hell yeah I love booty biscuits.
Mother: Well thanks to the Pillsbury Baking Process they'll slide right out.
A woman who only wants your cum in her, like a personal cum dumpster.
Judy: Cum dump is so degrading because I only want your cum in me.
Pete: Come here, I need to make a delivery to my Sperm Processing Center.
A woman that is the opposite of a cum dumpster, only wants your cum inside of her.
Judy: Babe, a cum dumpster is so degrading. I only want your cum in me.
Pete: Oooh, come here my little sperm processing center. I have a delivery for you.