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deposition officer

A person pretending to be a certified shorthand reporter/stenographer/court reporter. They have no education, skills, or abilities to type. They are not qualified to even scope a transcript. They push a button to record what is going on in the room. All attorneys and witnesses think this person is qualified because they pretend to be. They are not qualified to do anything. They cannot read back. They cannot produce a transcript. They cannot type. After the legal proceedings, they outsource the audio tape to India or China and have someone whose second or third language is actually English to transcribe it. However, because they are secretly fooling everyone, they charge the price of an educated, accurate, real shorthand reporter. It is very much questionable whether the transcripts produced are legally certified and can be used to impeach witnesses at trial.

Excuse me, Miss Reporter. I didn’t hear that answer. Can you please read that back?

No, Counsel. I cannot read that back. I am an deposition officer. I can push play on the audio. I have secretly been recording. I’m not actually typing any of this. I’m charging you the same price as though I’m typing, but I’m not. I am merely recording it and making sure the recording is clear so I can send it to someone whose first language is not even English to do the rest for me

by December 6, 2024


Office Period

When everyone in the office rotates bad moods for a week at a time until the cycle starts all over again.

Wow! I went to the dentist's today and they were all in a bad mood. They were definitely experiencing an office period.

by amusedchimera January 2, 2019


Office Princess

A woman who is well loved in her office. She is over-qualified in her job, so much that she completes things early and consequently gets the free time to socialize. She loves chatting with her coworkers and be the best dressed in the office.

She somehow is absolved from office politics. She is tactful and diplomatic but not in a way that caters to the company's needs but her own so she could keep her composure.

When she goes on vacation, she brings everyone little trinkets. She is thoughtful of the things happening in her co-worker's lives. Knows work isn't everything.

She doesn't really work for anyone, she does what makes her happy and it all seems to just work out.

She's positive, a beam of light and genuine. Her personality makes going to the office a bit less grueling. She's not the life of the party but loves to make people laugh.

She's the reason why your contractors give you better prices or are more attentive. She's got a way with words.

She's like the cute, charming little sister of the office. If she ever needs anything at all, people come running to her rescue.

"Susie's having some car trouble so I'm calling a friend whose a mechanic to see if they could help her. Let's talk later, I've got to bring her coffee"

"Yeah, she's so sweet, that's our office princess for ya"

by Knicknackpaddywhack December 12, 2022


office synth

1. a) Of or relating to simplistic synthesized music (or muzak) listened to whist menial tasks in the office are rotely executed. pre-covid. See 'Office,' but like in one of those legit British Dictionaries
2. Any synthesized music present in the sparse soundtrack of the hit UK/US show "The Office"
3. Any music evocative of feelings felt while watching the Office

1. "Did you hear the Colin Benders' Modular Lockdown series on YouTube? He's way beyond the office synth we're used to."
2. Does the Office even have music? Oh shit! They played a song while Jim & Pam etc. etc. The credits, etc.
3. I feel like Jason Bateman is the Batman of Liberace's Al Pacino. Fuck that, put on some office synth.

by Dabs B. Bronishunn August 15, 2020


Office Abuse

When you work for a company that feels you couldn't do any better and should be privileged to work there. Boss makes you feel incompetent at every turn and has his favorites.

Oh great... here comes Brian to perform more Office Abuse on all of us. Cant wait to find another job.

by Jackpot!cs February 4, 2021


Poor Man's Office

An abandoned room or or laboratory on a college campus or high school ideally.

Where is Jamal? He is in his poor man's office in the abandoned chemistry lab on the fourth floor.

by fartso54 April 5, 2018


gnome office

a home office on a front lawn (or park).

Wow that crew out front has the gnome office situation on lock down.

by Ah Real Monsters May 8, 2015