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One hell of a Christmas Carol written by some guy.
Afghanistan Christmas Carol:
T' was the night before Christmas and all through the Land,
They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan,
Osama's been praying,
he's down on his Knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his Pleas.
He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and Shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us Madder.
We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your butt,
with one heavy Boot.
And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards Stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to Fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to Hear.
And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our Bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to Hide.
They'll go down in history as the place where you Died.
Remember Khadhafi and his Line of Death?
He came very close,
to his final Breath.
So come out and prove it,
that you are a Man,
Cause our boys are coming and they have a Plan.
They are our fathers and they are our Sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns.
They would have stayed home with children and Wives,
Till you bastards came here and took all these Lives.
Osama I wrote this especially for You,
For air mail delivery by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a Missile
I will not be sorry to see your ass Go.
It's Red, White, and Blue that is running this Show
17👍 3👎
When something is really just plain bad.
"He just got hit by a milktruck!"
"Thats even worse than christmas
43👍 12👎
A hideous article of clothing, received from relatives who don't like you. It's origins are ancient and were initiated to punish kids who wouldn't eat their spinach. The relative always had a horrifying affliction Ie: (mustached aunt) .
In recent years, the grown victims, have turned the tables, with the ugly sweater contest. the once feared object that was used to force you into submission, is now coveted party gear, that wins $ and prizes.
The word "sweater" is used loosely, as vests, turtlenecks, and various accessories are equally acceptable.
Warnings: 1. Safety first! When dressing for an ugly sweater contest, please remember to cover the thing from view, while in public. A truly hideous sweater, gets noticed, and could cause an accident. 2. Beware of bait and switch tactics. Bosses will sometimes lure innocent employees into attending dreadful office parties, by using using a sweater contest as bait. When the victim arrives, they find the so called "contest" is a ruse, and the "fabulous prizes" consist of A: unpaid overtime, labeled as "lunch with the boss" B: a desk calendar, with the dates filled in, C: a grotesque statue, made from two paperclips, an orange rubber band, and something that looks suspiciously like belly button lint. D: a stale fruitcake.
To avoid this, demand a flyer beforehand. The prizes should be listed, and the flyer MUST contain the managers signature at the bottom, or they will try to weasel out of it.
Kid:
"Oh crap! Here comes Aunt Mildred! Please help me! She has an Ugly Christmas Sweater for me, I just know it! I promise I'll be good...don't make me wear it..."
Parent:
"Watch your mouth! I'm sure it is a perfectly lovely sweater, and you will put it on immediately, so we can take our annual family photo for the newsletter. Now answer the door, and give Aunt Mildred a big hug and kiss".
38👍 10👎
a decent movie which has been completely and utterly defiled by the numerous subcultures that have made it a cult classic and an object of obsession. the juvenile themes of the movie might be reflected by the below-average maturity level of a viewer consumed by said subcultures. merchandise portraying characters and other similar memorabilia are available at your local hot topic.
Stereotypical Goth Kid (the kind that gives goths a bad name): OMG NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER BECAUSE ITS FOR LITTLE KIDS AND MY PERVERSE APPRECIATION FOR THIS MOVIE IS A WAY TO PROTEST OUR SOCIETY OF CONFORMISTS!
Everyone else: You are so fucking weird.
Stereotypical Goth Kid: Mission accomplished!
189👍 73👎
An extremely flaming homosexual. The concept "gayer than Christmas" is used because Christmas is probably the "gayest" time of the year..and to be gayer than Christmas is, well, obviously very gay!!
"Dude, this guy is gayer than Christmas. When he opens his mouth a purse falls out!"
94👍 34👎
The unfortunate circumstance when a group of individuals is trapped in an enclosed space (train, plane, bus) and one of them (usually unknown and having recently ingested a burrito or cup of chili) breaks wind, creating a cloud of misfortune for all involved.
Closely related: Dutch Oven
A: "Hey dude, I bet you it was one of those girls that started the Mexican Christmas Party on the train yesterday."
B: "Ayeeeeee - who farted? I walked right into a Mexican Christmas Party!!!"
62👍 22👎
Coming home from a Christmas Eve party early and find your parents having sex on the couch. You father is dressed up like Santa and your mother is dressed up like Mrs. Clause.
Chris: I walked in on my parents having sex on Christmas Eve.
Peggy: That's a real Nightmare before Christmas!
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