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When taking a dump in a bathroom that is not located in your house, you wad up toilet paper and rest it on the seat or porcelain where your penis would rest, to ensure your penis does not make contact with the bowl.
When john went to crap in the port a john he built a penis pad so he didn't have to rest his penis on the plastic.
The phenomenon where, in colder winter months, vasoconstriction leads to an average of 30% less girth in the male genitalia. This is due to the body trying to conserve heat, thereby shutting down certain blood pathways to stay warm; the penis being one of them...
Guy 1: Polar vortex hit this week, and I swear my dick shrunk like a half inch in diameter. I don't even want to show my girlfriend...
Guy 2: Sounds like a case of Winter Penis
penis waggle
when you are realy exited your penis waggles agresivly just like a dogs tail
penis waggle
guy 1: my penis is waggin real bad right now i cant feel it
guy 2: what made it start
guy 1: i won 5 quid on the lottery
when you have masturbated/released so much that you can no longer move your hand up and down your penis (can not release any seamen either)without screaming out in huge agony. Usually occurs after hentai (scientists haven't been able to explain this supernatural phenomenon).
" No more hentai for me my penis cramp is so bad i just want to cut it off and put it in a hot dog bun"
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Celebrity Jeopardy skit from Saturday Night Live. A category entitled, "The Pen Is Mightier" is mistakenly interpreted by Sean Connery as "Penis Mightier." Connery thinks that it is an object to lengthen, or make the penis larger
Connery - Gussy it up however you will Trebeck, but does it really work?
Nicolas Cage - Wait, wait... Are you selling Penis Mightiers?
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Shy Penis is a term used to describe a general state of shock exhibited by one's penis in the presence of other men, most particularly when attempting to urinate.
Ted stands by the urinal and pops it out just as Ralph walks into the bathroom. Ted waits and waits and waits, but is unable to force the pee out.
Ralph: What's taking so long? I have to go!
Ted: Seem to have a slight case of shy penis.
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