i've heard it both ways

A good way to sound witty after you have just been proven wrong.

Shawn: "Gus please. Don't be Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Marzipan."
Gus: "Azkaban."
Shawn: "I've heard it both ways."

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Jerking off with both hands

An expression for over-doing something, doing more work than is necessary to complete a task, or the general idea of using an ass-backwards method to achieve a relatively simple goal.

Yeah, well he's always jerking off with both hands.

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burning the candle at both ends

An English idiom meaning to work long hours without rest. Working late into the night and beginning again early in the morning.

Joe: You're eyes are black sockets, you need some sleep man!

Snowflake: I've been burning the candle at both ends trying to finish this 509 paper.

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looking over both shoulders

action. how every black joke starts

John: Hey Joe, how does every black joke start?

Joe: How?

John: (answers by "looking over both shoulders").

butters both sides of the bread

a bisexual person that regularly partakes in hetrosexual and homosexual experiences

Phil: i saw mike holding hands with jim. last week he was fucking that girl.
Joe: didn't you know he butters both sides of the bread

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You and I both know

This is a phrase used to give self assurance and confidence. It actually means "I know"

You and I both know that Cindy doesn't sleep around.

You and I both know the builders will be finished next week.

The check is in the post- you and I both know that

the door swings both ways

It works both ways - and not just the way that the person you are saying this to is describing it.

Student: "You should respect my rights, you know"

Teacher: "And you should show me some respect, if you want that. The door swings both ways."

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