Finals Beard

A beard one grows around the time of Semester Finals. This is done for a number of reasons, but generally it is done because their focus shifts from their face to their failing grades.

Guy 1: Hey, what's going on with Ted's face?
Guy 2: Oh, that's just his finals beard. Didn't you hear? He's failing like three classes.

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God's Beard

Only applies to non-living things. Something so awesome, no other words can describe it. The epitome of greatness. The Holy Grail of all things amazing. The ultimate compliment to an inanimate object. Even higher in the ranks than "the tits". Considered divine in nature because of the sheer intensity with which its magnificence radiates outward.

1) Keith, this danish is so good. It's god's beard, man! Nice job!
2) Kathryn, where on EARTH did you find this tennis racket?! It's so light, yet so sturdy and easy to use. I think it might just be god's beard!
3) Billy is a saxaphone player beyond natural human abilities. I think his saxaphone is god's beard. It must be if a player of his caliber has graced it with his lips.

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attention beard

Facial hair grown by young men (especially hipsters) in an attempt to garner attention.

Man 1: "Did you see that Atticus is sporting a beard these days?"

Man 2: "Is it a legitimate beard or one of those attention beards?"

beard fishing

When a man who usually has a beard and appears attractive loses his beard and his attractiveness. Catfishing but for men.

Wow he totally is beard fishing me, I never knew his jawline was so weak.

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Layoff Beard

The term Layoff Beard refers to any facial hair that is grown in celebration of unemployment. Qualifying events include getting: canned, fired, axed, pink-slipped, downsized, marginalized, shown the door, let go, dismissed, let go, or laid off.

Layoff Beards were popularized in fall 2008 by the website TheCanned.com, which runs an unemployment-themed blog titled "The Layoff Beard."

There are a lot of bankers out there who have grown ferocious layoff beards following the financial crisis of 2008.

Epic Beard

1. Beard of Thomas Bruso, aka Epic Beard Man. The Epic Beard isn't white because of age. It's white because it's shining from brilliance.

2. Beard which is more than just overgrown facial hair.... Growing an Epic Beard takes time, dedication, and most of all, true manliness.

"Jeez, you heard about Freddie's suicide? Guy choked himself using his own beard!"- One way to use an epic beard

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Bearded Clam

A 1970s era erotic novel term for a vagina.

Her bearded clam wept.

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