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A British colony's government walks into the Queen's office. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the Queen, "We have a really amazing act. You should let us govern ourselves."
The Queen says, "Sorry, I don't let colonies go. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to let us govern ourselves."
The Queen says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
The father starts to decribe the act by saying "First I come out on stage with my naked daughter in my arms. Then my wife comes out naked carrying a unicycle. I take our daughter and stick The unicycle up her ass."
The shit starts to come off the wheel of my uniclycle, flying all over the stage and even on the first few rows of the audience." "That`s right" the father says. "Then I start to fuck my wife in the ass when my son comes out on stage with our dog". Then the son says "I start to make our dog`s dick hard by sucking on it. When it`s nice and big I let him fuck me up my ass." The daughter continues "I get off my cycle and start to deepthroat the post I just had up my butt"
Then says the father "We all piss on the floor mixing shit, jizz, pussyjuice and urine together which we lick up, cleaning every speck. When it`s all clean we stand up, hold hands, smile and take a bow".
For the longest time, Queen just sits in silence. Finally, she manages, "That's a hell of a government. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "Canada!"
And thats how Canada's History came to be
7đź‘Ť 11đź‘Ž
When Stephen Colbert sends you, you listen.
Stephen: Go make a definition of "Canada's History" on urbandictionary.com.
Anna: OK, Stephen
7đź‘Ť 11đź‘Ž
Canada’s History is a bold and unsurpassed when it comes to upholding dignity and honour. During Canadas infancy the newly joined colonies of the United States attempted a takeover of what was then Upper Canada. Canada brought an end to the temper tantrum of its spoiled infantile brother to the south, by lighting a match and setting the American white house ablaze, while stating “Don’t Tread On Me....Bitch!"
Not to be confused with the deviant sexual act “Canada’s History” performed south of the Canadian border, which includes the use of Hockey sticks dipped in Maple syrup, moose antlers and the unwilling participation of an American Bald Eagle. It has been said that this sexual act was made popular by the famous television personality known as Stephen Colbert. Pronounced (Coal-Bert) provided you’re not an effeminate male from the Carolinas.
When you look at Canada’s History with the United States you can easily understand why participants of this sexual act would name the act “Canada’s History” Given the royal ass beating they recieved from Upper Canada.
Said the American Bald Eagle, "Canada's History?, My ass!"
To which Colbert feverishly replied, " Exactly!!"
Not to be outdone the moose chimed in "SUCK IT STEPHEN!"
7đź‘Ť 11đź‘Ž
A depraved sex act. Favored by Stephen Colbert.
Putting everything in there is the hardest part of performing Canada's History.
13đź‘Ť 25đź‘Ž
A sexual act. Canada is referred to as "America's Fuzzy Hat." You give your girlfriend a "fuzzy hat" by having ten of your friends masturbate on her hair, and then you "smuggle drugs back across the border" by having anal sex with her, and then drugging her with morphine. You finish the act by putting a Canadian and an American dollar in her anus and leaving it there.
Dude, I totally did Canada's History with my girlfriend last night. It was wild.
5đź‘Ť 7đź‘Ž
Canada's History is a sex act in which a live moose is hunted down with the aid of Sarah Palin (a master tracker and rogue) and viciously murdered by decapitation with a jagged hockey stick. After defiling the moose head further by teabagging the head several times (and not with Early Grey, but your genitals), it is ready for sex. The antlers are rammed up the anus of the female while Grade A Canadian maple syrup is slathered over the balls of the man who is simultaneously stuffing the moose's mouth with his shaft. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin hardly wants to miss out on the action so she goes rogue by jamming the other side of the antlers (opposite end is butt spelunking the female) up her vagina far enough to perform a self-abortion on her unwanted baby. After everyone has finished and Palin has enlarged her vaginal orifice another 2 inches, the moose head is discarded in a finely polished Stanley Cup. It is then sent to the home of Stephen Colbert for tedious inspection to make sure that every moose head was used to its fullest extent. Stephen does not accept the moose head in anything but the Stanley Cup as it is the only vessel prestigious enough for his liking. As a health advisory, it is generally necessary to check up with your doctor before performing Canada's History with your partner as it can lead to serious diseases such as severe diarrhea, Colbertitis, mad moose disease, and a neurological disorder known as The Palins which generally leads to mental retardation.
-Canadian Tool 1: "Dude me and my girl did a raw Canada's History last night."
-Canadian Tool 2: "Nice bro, that Sarah Palin is a freak, eh?"
-Canadian Tool 1: "FUCK YEH! SHES THE NASTIEST SHETARD IN THE WORLD!"
-Canadian Tool 2: "Hell yeh, shes fucking hot."
-Canadian Tool 1: "Obvi bro... Obvi."
8đź‘Ť 14đź‘Ž
A sex act performed by first lubricating a woman's vagina and anus with maple syrup. Then, the aforementioned orifices are spread open with the antlers of an elk. Once the vagina and anus are spread to a diameter of six inches, athletic tape is used to attach the antlers to her thighs. Her partner then defecates into the Stanley Cup, and mixes it with Molson. Once it achieves a consistency of pudding, it is poured directly from the Stanley Cup into both orifices. Both orifices are then plugged with hockey pucks. This step is known as the "Hat Trick." She then stands up, straddles the face of her partner and pushes the pucks out.
I hear Stephen Colbert is into Canada's History.
8đź‘Ť 14đź‘Ž