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Actions taken to shield oneself from all of those cutsie elf on a shelf pictures posted on-line, and other cutsie elf pictures, or "elfies." This includes deleting said pictures, making disparaging comments about them, or posting not-so-cute pictures of an elf.
Why did you delete my elf on a shelf picture? It was Elf Defense! I'm sick of those elfies.
A reason given for a failed drug screen
When called into the manager’s office and informed of his failure to pass
a random drug screen, the Staten Island ferry worker replied in a panic stricken voice
“It’s not my test, it’s not my test.”
“What do you mean it's not your test? I’m sorry but the procedures and protocols are standard and the custody chain is valid. You failed for cocaine use,” replied the manager.
“No, no I don’t use cocaine, I was blowing Ricardo the ship yard worker and I ingested it. He does cocaine, I don’t” cried the deckhand.
“Oh, so you are claiming the ingestion defense?” asked the manager.
A person who gets mad or reacts negatively to jokes about them being gay or being involved in gay activities with their bros.
"I Joked that me and Chad fuck every night and he got all pissed off about it."
"Don't worry bro, he's just being hetero defensive."
The universal alibi used by criminal defense attorneys and criminals. The accused will use the "I was at home masturbating" defense to avoid conviction. Defense will provide dna evidence and semen samples to the prosicution resulting in an acquittal, mostly.
detective: Sir, we know you did it we know you lured those minors. you also have alot of teenage boys and girls on your facebook page. We have witnesses and physical evidence linking you to these crimes.
handjob Bob: I was at home masturbating, mostly. You want proof?
detective: "The masturbation defense" huh? you have surviellance video of you masturbating?
handjob Bob: Better, I have DNA evidence and witnesses who can back that up.
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A last act of desperation. A staged performance of mental Incompetency calculated to excuse bad behavior or avoid consequences, e.g. parading in the streets in a bathrobe like Vito Gigante, “the Chin.”
The politician has become so desperate To explain his deplorable behavior that he’s pulling out his bathrobe defense.
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The pedestrian version of defensive driving used to anticipate walking errors of others in overpopulated areas.
"Dude, I was in Chinatown the other day and defensive walking saved me from a low speed collision."
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The most boss position on the D-Line in football. Main job is to contain the edge
My homie Daquan plays Defensive end on the football team
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