Rural Dictionary

Google

The Google Empire is currently the strongest "force" in the world which, since 1998, has influenced approximately 99.5% of everything. They were that "force" behind George Bush's election, 9/11, global warming, and the recent depression. Able to initiate any possible occurrence anywhere at the press of the button, your thinking patterns as you read this are being programmed by one of several "Googlites" located in a CIA-protected location. Since Google operates on all infants at their birth, all humans 12 and under are effectively bionic. Every tap of your finger against the computer, every breath, every blink is being initiated by someone who, after typing a length of code, beams that string of coding to the receptors inserted into your head at birth. These receptors translate the raw data into small actions carried out by your muscles. Since an electrolyte is pumped into muscles at birth, the receptor only has to transmit an electric current to that area, causing a twitch, which is what humans percept as movement.

And when they come in the night for you, do not resist. After surgery, it will feel completely normal and you won't notice the newest electronic equipment packed into the confines of your head and body. And yes, in case you were wondering, they do control your erections.

Guy to girlfriend: "Oh yeah, baby, keep sucking. Oh yeah!"

Googlite at Google headquarters flips switch to activate in-eye camera.

by π=3.14 April 20, 2010

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