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I go to the Harvard of the Midwest.
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A school where one can find, in it's natural habitat, the elusive (and exclusive) Sluttus Lacostus (or mastercard whore). This species is characterized by it's astonishing lack of clothing, often exposing its buttox. When in mating season, the Sluttus Lacostus often develops a perplexing form of anorexia, often accompanied by even more shedding of clothing. One can sometimes lure the Sluttus Lacostus by standing perfectly still, covered in $100 bills and a "new hummer" scent. But novice travelers beware! Although the Sluttus Lacostus may look pretty and sweet, it will stop at no lengths to step all over you.
Yeah, I went over to Harvard-Westlake last week to pick up some fine booty, but I woke up two weeks later, in an alley, covered in blonde hairs, with "LV" sliced into my chest.
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An unexpected combination of hyperbole and oxymoron;
similar to:
Belle of Afghanistan
Genius of Public School
Angel of Compton
hyperbole: (southern universtiy) is Harvard
oxymoron: higher education in the deep south
add the two: (southern university) is the Harvard of the south
notable exceptions: vandy, duke, emory, rice, tulane, uva, chapel hill, wustl
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A super-posh private school divided into two campuses: the 'Middle School' (consisting of grades 7-9) is located in residential Bel Air area, and the 'Upper School' (consisting of grads 10-12) is located in the fine Studio City area, of which I am a proud patron.
anyway, you will only be accepted into Harvard Westlake if you are one or more of these things:
~very very rich (bonus if you're jewish too)
~a product of a Hollywood mogul/empress
~unusually intellectual (as in a genius)
~you have a sibling who goes there
yes, Harvard-Weslake is for rich-bitches, man-hoars, child prodigies, and bloomind Hollywoodites. if you are any of the above listed, than you're pretty much on the Harvard-Westlake golden steamer choo-choo!
don't get me wrong, Harvard-Westlake isn't a bad school! in fact, going to Harvard-Westlake will give your parents plenty to brag about! it's the best private school in the friggin country!
just be warned, you just might catch the deadly 'Supahpreppyrichiesmartass' virus while in attendance!
worthy of note: if you are actually black and, like me, have been called names such as oreo or wack, or milk and cookies, or likewise, Harvard Westlake is the school for you, because the ghettoist kids here are pretty much the white boys who watch too much MTV. and that is damn saaaddd fa sho.
Bobby Richboy: Yo' sucka I just got into Harvard-Westlake foo!!
Johnny Gangsta (who is actually black): Boy, you aint black.
Bobby Richboy: I'm practicin' fo Harvardizzle-Westlakizzle dizzle!
Jennifer (at Harvard Westlake): hey Lola! Do you think you can make it to Fred Segal this weekend? Daddy just gave me three thousand.
Lola: oh stop trying to act all rich, biatch!! you know you're only sore because my Daddy's yacht cost six million more than your daddy's yacht!!
worthy of note- I actually hearda conversation like the following in my math class with my own two ears.
BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS-
Teacher: you won't be at school next week?
Student: no. my dad's taking the family to a press conference in Japan. Daddy's thinking of a merger with Sony.
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An upscale private school in Los Angeles where parents can be seen donating multi-million dollar buildings in order to foster educations for their otherwise stupid-ass children.
Muffy: Where's little Tiffy attending school this fall?
Bunny: Harvard-Westlake. Isn't that great?
Muffy: Yes, but...didn't she fail out of elementary school?
Bunny: Yes, but Kenneth and I donated a couple million for a new gym!
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Harvard Terminology is the convoluted grouping of words, typically in response to an inquiry requiring action, who’s objective is to leave the inquirer with sufficient hope to stifle the inquiry. This fleeting hope is usually followed by confusion and bewilderment regarding the true nature of this cruel response.
Ryland: Hey Stacy, what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go to a movie and grab a bite? Or maybe if you're not doing anything this weekend we could go to the beach. Let me know what works for you.
Stacy: That sounds like fun.
Ryland: I thought I told you to quit using Harvard Terminology on me.
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before recieving oral pleasures, a man draws, with a black marker, a pair of studious glasses and various math equations on his jack johnson to surprise the pleasure giver.
so did you get your d wet last night?
no...
what? why not? i thought you had it all set up?
i pulled the old harvard hotdog.
classic!
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