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The best man ever, as he is so generous and only take some-what crappy cookies in return. I love that man. <0> <3
I love Santa Claus. <3
12👍 14👎
A fat man who comes to your house once a year and not any day because he's in jail for breaking and entering.
When parents tell their little kids to not get in trouble or they won't get any fucking presents for x-mas.
m: Bobby, if you kill your sister, Santa Claus won't give you anything for Christmas!!
Bobby: Oh yeah. I want a double bladed axe for x-mas so i'll just have to wait till after.
Yes, I am real. And if you don't believe in me you can catch these holiday hands you hoe hoe hoe.
I left Santa Claus fatass some celery instead of cookies and I woke up to deer shit on my bed.
An old fat man in a red suit with small little men and abnormal reindeer that stalks you every year so he knows if he can break into your house and to give you gifts on December 25.
Apparently he’s coming to town
“Santa Claus is coming to town”
A mysterious fat entity, said to dress in red clothing, that sneaks into houses and steals food. The common scientific name for this strange, rotund creature is "Homo holidayus". It is also known to enslave caribou to carry it's fat self to more food. One field study conducted near this creature's home base revealed another major fact: He also enslaves dwarfed human beings. Also observed was a caribou with a strange, glowing red nose.
Person 1: Did you hear about the cookie thefts last night?
Person 2: Yeah, they were caused by the infamous Santa Claus.