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Jokes made about the overrated, has-been actor Chuck Norris.
Examples of Chuck Norris Jokes:
Chuck Norris fought Mr. T, Rambo, Tupac, Bruce Lee, and the pink and yellow Power Rangers and lost, then vowed never to return to the nursing home on Halloween again.
Chuck Norris once attempted round house kicking Jet Li. His leg broke when it connected with the television, then he fell and broke his hip.
Chuck Norris almost turned down the offer to make a cameo in the movie "Dodgeball" on the grounds that he doesn't like to dodge balls—he prefers to have them resting on his chin.
When Chuck Norris completes a push-up, he does not actually move all the way down, it's the Earth moving up and punching him in the face.
Chuck Norris has been confused with Santa Clause, because whenever he enters a little boy's room he leaves with an empty sack.
Chuck Norris' penis is so small that when he has an orgasm the sperm are released in a single file line.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. During his stay he was arrested while attempting to have sexual intercourse with an island.
Chuck Norris beats off to "Pretty in Pink" three times a day with a wax figure of Andrew McCarthy lodged in his ass.
Chuck Norris was fired and arrested from his job at a Dallas Texas school after a video showed him smelling the football players’ jock straps. He was taken into custody oddly enough by a real Texas Ranger named Walker
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The pre-medical advisor at George Mason University. While his role at the school is to help students he does nothing but make a stressful process more so. He warns his young flock not to leave voice mails on his phone, telling them that email is the best way to reach him, then he proceeds not to respond to emails for days, if not weeks. Dr.Chucks asks for professionality from students yet cannot even give them the courtesy of returned calls and properly formated emails. Applying to medical school is a process bound by time constraints and he seems bound and determined to put Mason students behind schedual.
Ken - "Dr. Emil Chuck, how many letters of recomendation should I have?'
Dr. Chuck - "All the instructions are in my wonderfull webinars, I am submitting them for a Golden Globe."
Ken- "We'll I am working at a doctor's office, you know to get into medical school, and taking classes, do you suppose you could just tell me?"
Dr. Chuck- "No I am god you should listen to my webinars and commit them to heart, do not disturb me."
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To throw your feces at another person and/or an object.
Did you see that monkey chuck the deuce?!
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(Australian) - any cheap and nasty booze that gets you totally off your guts.
This is not related to the Seppo version of "two buck chuck" where the chuck refers to the specific brand of booze (Charles Swan). The "chuck" in Australia refers to the act of vomiting, which an average bottle of this stuff will do to you.
There are many types of cheap stuff for around five bucks a bottle, but as a pre-requisite they must smell and taste like a blend of juniper berries and paint stripper.
As favoured by 16-year-olds everywhere.
See also Goon Of Fortune, park the tiger
Classic examples of five buck chuck drinks: Spumante, Passion Pop, Mississippi Moonshine, or anything in a cask (goon).
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Chuck Norris has never seen a punch coming. He has only seen men adjust their shoulder slightly before he roundhouse kicks them in their face.
Surprising Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, only slaughters.
Chuck Norris choose the last pope
Sharks don't bite people when Chuck Norris goes for a swim.
A Bear can smell a drop of blood 2 miles away. Chuck Norris can smell fear 5.
Norris made history in 1997 when he was the first Westerner in the documented history of Tae Kwon Do to be given the rank of 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master. In 2017 he will make history again when kicks everybodys ass... AT THE SAME TIME.
Chuck Norris doesn't carry atm cards, he only goes to registers and says CREDIT.
When Chuck Norris was born he gave the doctor a smack on the ass. The doctor still cry's till this day.
When Chuck Norris was a child he never asked WHY?
Chuck Norris didn't live through the cold war. He only put on and extra leather vest.
Chuck Norris is the only person that sees Shaq as a cute puppy.
Chuck Norris Facts are known to be true if this world were a utopia.
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The unfortunate problem of getting vomited on while receiving a blowjob.
“I had to leave the party, I was getting a blowie behind the couch and the chick Chucked Me Off.... dude”
Jerry Malengela when asked where his (dead) dad lived "Oh my dad has chucked his boots in"