To Masturbate

An attempt to pointlessly satisfy an irrational urge in the short term.

(where in the long term on further reflection you realise it to be truly unsatisfactory)

"Sometimes I try to masturbate a really long or difficult word into a sentence just to feel I'm smarter than I actually am!"

pet masturbation

When you proceed to jack your pet off and eventually use your mouth until they ejaculate

Mike attempted to perform pet masturbation but did it to hard and got bit