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Random
When a hoseband dresses up as santaclaus and his wife as Mrs. claus, then the children dress up as elfs. The hoseband sets his beard on fire and the elfs try to jack off so it stops, while Mrs. Claus gives them a rim job.
BOB- "wanna join my Fantastic santa tonight?"
MARC- "ohh yea!"
When you’re raw dogging a chick from behind, bust a phat load inside of her, then spit on her back so she’s not suspicious.
John was bombed so when he accidentally shot his load inside Sarah, he busted the Santa Barbara Pullout and she was none the wiser.
When a female with long pubes braids little Christmas bells into them, so that when she's taking a full length on Christmas Eve, the kids run in, excited and ready to see Santa because they hear bells jingling, only to find their mother copping some hot Christmas pork in her moist pudding.
Guy friend: "Hey what did you and Susan get up to on Christmas Eve?"
Guy: "Oh she helped a brother out with a Santa's Hairy Lay."
A really pretty person that can make you smile nonstop without knowing. She’s really pretty, even if you don’t know her irl. She can be loving, and can maje you smile through the screen. I talk about her so much, even my irl friends know about her. I love her so much <3 She makes people feel happy about themselves, and she can’t talk bad about people. She’s really caring when it’s about you. She’s the best person I’ve ever met in my entire life. She makes me feel so well about myself, and she can be wholesome too. Sometimes I just want to tell her “Marry me” but she’d respond with “I’m loyal, I’m married to @durex” </3 She still is a person you can really trust, and that you must love :))
You can’t just hate her. She’s way too cute for this <3
I love her so much, not even words explain my expressions right now. I feel so special whenever getting all those Good night texts or Good morning texts. They make me feel so loved, so supported, they make me feel something I’ve never felt /pos
Samanta, if you’re reading this
I love you so much <33
Me: Omg I’ve stayed up until 4 AM this time talking to someone
Irl friend: Was it Samanta or Santa, however you call her?
Me: Yeah, how did you know?
Irl friend: You always talk to her until it’s really late. I want what you and Samanta have
A Santa that forgets his gloves at the strip club, so he has to borrow an elf’s blue gloves.
We heard Santa exclaim as he flew out sight, “I left my gloves at the damn strip club last Friday night,” but Daniel the elf came tip toeing by and brought Santa a pair of his blue ones to try (blue gloved santa).
otherwise known as a drunk mall Santa 🎅. The term was popularized by Jimmy Failla and Kat Timpf on Gutfeld!
Even a mall Santa sometimes has the right to get wasted at work and become a DUI Santa. Don't drink and drive and certainly don't drink and misbehave, kids.
A term for a sex act where a man blows a load on someone's beard.
Me: Wait, what? You have something on your beard! Oh, who has done you the santa claus?
John: Oh, no, it's just a little of mayonnaise. What is to do the santa claus?
Me: Come on . You know what is that. You even have on your hair