Things you should do for someone you love

Suck their cock

Things you should do for someone you love

When daddy, and daddy love each other sooooo much, they suck each other's cock, and peg untill they can't walk.

6👍 2👎

My two favourite things are commitment and changing myself

Possibly the best non-joke pickup line of all time

Girl: I just don't know if I'm ready for a relationshipment.
Boy: Hey cmon. My two favourite things are commitment and changing myself.

16👍 6👎

good thing you don't keep guns in the house

A phrase used in response to somebody overreacting over a minor or petty incident.

Bob: Those idiots at Taco Bell messed up my damn order again! I should go over there and slap some goddamn sense into those stupid shits!
Dave: Sheesh. Good thing you don't keep guns in the house.

5👍 1👎

I'll Take Things That Suck for 500 Please, Alex

A statement reflecting profound unhappiness.

"Oh, man. The other day on the Poudre I missed Decision Rock and got my ass handed to me. There was carnage everywhere and I was like, 'I'll take things that suck for 500 please, Alex.'"

48👍 32👎

progressive who likes to get things done

A regressive, usually American, politician afraid of the sort of social progress available in most advanced nations and particularly those in Northern Europe.

Person A: Bro, do you believe in (insert any socially progressive belief here)?

Person B: Nah, bro! I'm a progressive who likes to get things done! ...you wanna go do some interventionist military activity?

1👍 2👎

Things only Americans think are debatable

A cancerous Facebook group, riddled with lefties, claiming to be neither left nor right wing. That's a blatant lie, obviously. Members there take issue with how fucked up America is, posting mainly about the lack of gun control and inaccessible healthcare.
Anyone with an opposing viewpoint is bullied, called any kind of existing/non-existent ...-phobe, muted and/or removed.
'Things only Americans think are debatable' is used to express disdain at American ('Seppo') actions.

Alyssa: I've just left this awful group called 'Things only Americans think are debatable'.
John: Oh yeah, I was kicked out of that last February because I questioned the leftist claim of there being 843 genders.
Alyssa: Omg how terrible, bet you were called a transphobe and white supremacist.

1👍 13👎

ANT? GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME AHHH

said from a person who has insectophobia x 1000

*sees and* AW SHIT AHHHHHHHHHH ANT? GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME AHHH GET IT AWAY I AHTE IT KILL IT KILL IT IM GONNA DIE AHHHHHHHHHH