half-hour clock technique

noun: a clock-watching form of procrastination, in which the procrastinator schedules the "start time" of a dreaded task based on the next "half-hour" mark of the clock. For example, if the clock reads "1:35", a procrastinator employing the half-hour clock technique will start the task when the clock strikes "2:00", usually filling in this time gap with activities such as web surfing and masturbation. The technique is popular amongst perfectionists, numerologists, the obsessive compulsive and unemployed spectrum of procrastinators.

Hey, it's 4:47. Did you finish writing that cover letter?

Actually I did not. I was waiting till 5:00 to start. I'm using the half-hour clock technique.

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Half hour shower of power.

When you have a 30 minute shower, most likely it's not needed and you coulda made due with a 10 minuter.

person 1 - what the hell were you doing in there?
person 2 - It was my half hour shower of power.

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The Hours Later Suprise Snack

When you wipe your ass, and your finger breaks through the TP....a few hours later, you start to bite your fingers nails...Not too sure on what the taste is at first, then you realize...But you don't stop chewing until every last morsel is devoured for a delicious snack...

Mij, you hungry..
Nope, just found The Hours Later Suprise Snack..

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Mad snail hours 😡🐌

Time of day between 11 pm - 3 am

Typically used on Instagram

It's mad snail hours 😡🐌 what y'all mad at?😡😡😡🐌🐌🐌

45 miles per hour-er

Someone who drives at a constant 45 miles per hour, regardless of what the speed limit is on their section of road. They'll happily speed dangerously through a residential area where the limit is 30, and then hold everyone up on a main road where the limit is 60.

"Hey dude, is this guys speedo broken?"

"Nah, he is a 45 miles per hour-er"

"O ryt. What a noob"

seven cruel hours of our lives

School.

"have you ever thought what does 'school' mean?"

"i think it stands for: 'seven cruel hours of our lives'"

"ok, thanks!"

after-hours workplace food heists

Those insanely frustrating occurrences, always obviously pulled by the same clueless person, although you just can’t seem to bust them.

I’m gonna get me one of those secret videocams and catch that larcenous little fucker pulling these after-hours workplace food heists and get his two-faced ass fired!