V-Jesus

V-Jesus is when a car powered by a Honda Engine with VTEC hits 6,000rpm's and then continues to exceed passed the magical stock redline embracing hitting 9,000rpm's releasing Jesus from your engine. Once released, Jesus cast a light of enlightenment showing you have hit V-Jesus and that it is now time to shift.

Did you see that flare, John hit V-Jesus!

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Jesus freak

someone evincing 2 or more of the following symptoms:
1: proclaims the lord is coming with the imminent end of the world
2: has signs on their person, car, or home with bible quotes
3: goes to church more than once a week
4: started their own christian offshoot cult because the rest aren;t pious enough
5: tries to foist an extreme form of christianity off on others
6: is a born-again christian and/or fundamentalist

every time i see that jesus freak walking around with his "god will save, the end is near" sign, i want to convert to satanism just so i can sacrifice him.

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Jesus Phone

The iphone by apple. A phone that makes you feel like Jesus. In fact Jesus probably has one himself.

Rick: HOLY SHIT I GOT A JESUS PHONE!!!

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jesus juice

Yeah very funny. It's a terrible wine. They just call it that to make it sound glamorous or something. And the food stinks. Usually, this junk, you know? Even if you like to eat, you couldn’t eat it.

Yeah but sometimes, you see, it’s not that easy, you know what I mean? It's not all the cupcakes and Jesus juice like you might assume.

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Jesus Chatline

A religious chat line run by two pastors, Richard Burnish and Steven Chilton. It is commonly trolled by channel 4 users and people who have nothing else to do, like the reader who looked this definition up.

Bob: Hey, whats that religious streaming service called?

Mike: Oh, Jesus Chatline!

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black jesus

Something that white people hate and can not admit since the real Jesus was black.

White Person: Jesus was black? NO WAY! TIME FOR SUICIDE!

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Jesus shoes

flip flops or sandals, must have a strap between one or more toes, can be any material but leather is prefered

he came back from the beach and is still wearing his jesus shoes

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