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A rare character defined by his colossal mass and wealth of useless information which covers every topic that you don't want to hear about. Talents include reciting entire URL addresses and quoting from 'How I Met Your Mother'. Despite his lack of ability with maths, Mikes in general are renowned for their superior skill in monitoring debts to the exact penny. Talents do not include knowing how to shit properly, a basic human function he seems to struggle with more than showering. This leads to a smell so pungent it could kill the smell of a dead animal, as well as said dead animal - which will probably have shit smeared on it, in the same fashion as his door/bathroom wall/bathroom door handle/everything in bathroom apart from bowl. Eating habits include everything that is processed and chemically engineered, although the species of Mike may occasionally advance to feasting upon 'peanut butter and jelly sandwiches', one of the many Americanisms he has adopted. Mikes may be falsely recognised as slugs, a species that share similar qualities with Mikes; however, it is unlikely that one may spot a Mike as they rarely emerge from the dark dank recesses of their beds. There are several matings calls used by Mikes, which vary from the 'How I Met Your Mother' theme tune to the sound of the fridge door opening; more often than not, it is the sound of an unsuspecting taxpayer opening his/her wallet, or withdrawing money from a cashpoint which attracts a Mike to a prospective victim.
Person 1: Hey Mike, hows thi..
A Mike: YOU OWE ME £2.74!!!!!
Person 1: ings?
Person 1: I laughed so hard I shat myself
Person 2: Yeah it was so funny I Miked everywhere.
Person 1: Urgh, I had such a Mike day today
Person 2: What did you do?
Person 1: Played dead for 14 hours.
9👍 6👎
Some one who makes jokes soo horrible that you can't help but laugh at the joke and especially them.
"Man you totally miked that joke faggot"
12👍 10👎
a man with an extremely small penis
"Is it in yet"-Girl
"Yeh"-Guy
"O u must be a Mike"-Girl
179👍 216👎
The man who will look at a dude's crotch and if he likes what he sees he'll try to hit on you or add you on facebook. Has a Real sore asshole i must say.Regularly streams free porn on his computer with internet that he stole from his neighbor and Masturbates daily all the time.get done in under 2 minutes usually then he goes to sleep thinking believing he just scored fo shure. Thinks he a player but only scored himself.
Another one of those Mikes walked by me looked at my crotch and smiled. I'm pretty sure it was a mike again he masturbates all the time too specially. He tries to suck his own dick alot too but fails nomatter how long his tongue is. also Likes listening to his parents having sex...
32👍 32👎
a guy who used to be cool, but is now just sad and old. can't commit, lives like a frat boy, and denies both
You know that guy Jessie used to date? Yea, he is such a Mike.
16👍 14👎
when someone you care about or love disappears for weeks, months, years on end; then they make up lame excuses and cover ups for not contacting you with excuses such as:
I've been really busy.
I thought about contacting you, but with being gone so long, I figured I'd have to make some huge gesture to win you over.
I just didn't have time.
clearly, these excuses are moot; considering how EASY it is to send an e-mail, text message, myspace message, anything...technology makes it too easy folks...
you should stay away from these "mikes" as they are hazardous to your health
you: "i haven't heard from him/her in so long, i miss them/need to tell them it's over, and they won't return my calls, e-mails, or texts"
me: "that sucks"
you (2 weeks later): "he/she finally messaged me saying they've been busy and (see above lame excuses)"
me: "you got MIKED"
13👍 11👎
The kind of guy who will let you fuck him any which way (upside down, bondage, booty eating, something else extreme). Usually used as an ironic comeback.
"Dude you are so fucking lame!"
"hey, tie me up to tree, kiss me twice, and call me Mike"
3👍 1👎