Constipation Stroke

When you try to shit but can’t so you make the effort worthwhile by giving yourself a good old fashioned wank and rubbing one out before flushing and hoping the turd will pass next attempt. If not, repeat.

I’m on my third constipation stroke today. If I don’t blow the other way soon I may have to resort to an enema.

Sometimes I think he eats a poor diet just for the ability to constipation stroke.

Constipation Contraction

A contipation contraction is when your anus / gluteus maximus muscles contract strongly causing a sharp and very uncomfortable pain, usually the same pain experiencenced whilst experiencing constipation. The contractions aren't always indicating constipation but there's a good chance it may follow.

Ben: *lift ass off chair and screechs in pain*
Josh: what's wrong?
Ben: Just had a constipation contraction -- ouch.
Josh: haha. eat too much cheese?

Emotional Constipation

its when u cant express your emotions like normal people because your emotions were oppressed by your own family/friends for a long time

A : u r so cute i love u

B : cry on emotional constipation

A :

B : haha me too

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Sexually Constipated

The pain and sadness that results from not performing sexual acts.

" What's up with him?"
"Oh, He's just sexually constipated dude! His girlfriend won't give him any."

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Constipated wink

Rather than a suave or coy look while winking, you look like you're trying to take a dump instead.

Woman 1: ohh he is cute
(man constipated winks)
Woman 2: uhhh did he wink or shit his pants?

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Relation Constipation

It's when your stuck in a really painful relationshit that just wont pass. The only cure is to let it go... or kill the bitch.

Mike: "I've had relation constipation ever since Cindy found out I fucked her sister. Do you think she's gonna dump me once she finds out I have herpes?"

Joe: "No man, you just have a case of the Mondays."

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Sneeze Constipation

Successfully suppressing or delaying a sneeze so as not to interrupt a conversation, phone call, task or meeting, but feeling cheated because the sinus clearing gratification of a good sneeze never comes.

Jackson calls dawn
Dawn: Hi Jackson
Jackson: How was your day?
(pause)
Jackson: Dawn? ... Dawn You there?

Dawn: Whoa, no, I mean yes... I just stopped a sneeze cuz I couldn't hit the mute button soon enough. Damn, now I can't sneeze, it's like I have sneeze constipation!

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