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When masturbating and as you are about to finish, you put two hands on and shake like champagne.
Friend: Congrats on your award man
Me: Thanks, I’m going to go celebrate with a champagne wank.
Friend: *laughing* well that’s one way to celebrate.
When you haven't fapped for more than a week and finally nut shouting: 'allahu akbar' as you cum
I haven't fapped for 2 weeks and just had a terrorism wank, yeah my jizz can take down buildings
Having a wank in your bedroom and calling out for someone when your near cumming. Games on, finish up before they enter your room.
"My grandma almost caught me having a courage wank the other day man"
"No way dude that's risky shit"
The act of sneaking into your neighbours house, connecting to and watching some porn on their own wifi until you ejaculate on a random thing in their home e.g. bed, sink, kettle etc. and go home like nothing happened.
This can also be done in schools, shops or other public venues.
Keith - “I left our neighbour Eugene a little present inside the dishwasher!”
Fredrick - “Dude that’s nuts”
Keith - “I know but not the kinda of nuts your thinking of, I pulled a wank bandit on him”
Fredrick - ...
Keith - “I also brutally slaughtered his wife and children”
Fredrick - “Nice”
When you wanna climax but you don't have time to do the whole 45 minute shit. Feels fucking amazing, not recommended for the asthmatic community, and usually leaves you with a blister.
Pornhub: Ah neigh whinnymwinny, tu whit to woo, oink~twas brillig, coo coo, get on the washing machine, awhahahhahhhahhahhhhhh
Me: Fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap squirt heavy breathing.
That was a good little micro wank
The heightened sense of hearing a young man develops when he masturbate in a house with other people. Despite masturbating he intensely listens for anybody approaching his location so he has ample time to hide his penis, clean up his immediate environment, and maybe hide any pornography he might be using.
Aw man, since moving back home I had to sharpen up my wank ear.
My wife doesn't knock when I shower, better use my wank ear when I rub one out.