Bible

a book of tall tales that tells people to be good and general common sense and has been wrongly translated hundreds of times, turning from education to a religion that consists of mostly annoying white people and some nice black people in there too.

misinformed person 1 "the bible is what I live by"
atheist "so a 2000-year-old book controls your life, whats any proof that its true?"
misimformed person 2 " shut up you atheist cunt, the bible is all true and theres no denying it"
atheist " jeez can you chill out im just presenting all ideas "
both misinformed persons 1/2 "SHUT UP YOU ATHEIST RACIST FAG"

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The bible

so its like any of the marvel movies there science fiction so like jesus like fuck that guy hes soooooo gay like who cares about the blind people like just let them fall off a cliff like they wont have a good life anyways and like moses ur gay but ur stick lowkey lit like its just like i want this ocean split in half welp why not fuck it

Billy :do you know any good fictional fake books Ron : ya the bible

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The Bible

The single most common source for chewy joint rolling papers.

I rolled hella joints with Romans 14:2 from the Bible.

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the bible

A fictional compilation of several stories about God, and his many, many slaves on the planet we like to call earth.

God: "Woop! I exist! Spread the word."
Jesus: "Aww, but Dad..."
God: "No buts, just DO IT!"
Jesus: "Fine. Whatever..."

And so it came to pass that Jesus did make up a whole load of shit just to please his old man, and thus the Bible was born. Amen.

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The bible

A religious text. Whether or not it’s fictional or non fictional is... up to you.

Lots of people like to throw it up at others in an attempt to ground their own bigoted beliefs, usually flipping to one page and then claiming it as evidence of something when really, it’s just a bunch of words made for a religion. Can you try not to, I don’t know, not attempt to weaponize religion? Who knows what you’ll get up to after cyberbullying children for liking the same gender.

Of course, not every Christian is like this, and assuming they all are is only stooping down to the worst ones’ levels. Assume the best out of everyone and you may just teach someone a valuable lesson ^^

Religious asshole: the Holy Lord God has said that passing your own body to others for sex is a sin and you’re going to go to hell; Asexuality is a sin because you cannot have any children according to Jesus; gayness is illegal according to some random quote from some random guy; all of this is in the Bible therefore I am correct

Decent person with common sense, religious or not religious: The Bible is a book, not a wikia. Jesus was asexual. His best friend was a prostitute. The whole “man shall not lay with boy” is, in fact, against pedophilia, and not against homosexuality. Of course, since you’re a “devout Christian”, you likely already knew this, right? Considering you probably read through the whole thing and all. I hope you have, otherwise who knows? You might wake up tomorrow morning with the room a little hotter than it was the night before.

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The Bible

The funniest comedy of the millennium, due to the ridiculous actions, thought processes, and mindsets and beliefs held by the main character, God, and the absurdist nature of the events that happen throughout the story.

Person 1: Did you read the Bible today?
Person 2: *recalls Exodus 4:24-26 and other funny verses*

Also Person 2: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Person 2 Yet Again: Yeah, it was hilarious.
Person 1: Funniest thing I've ever read.

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the bible

the biggest work of fiction whose genre is fantasy.
Due to its content it is easily comparable to other books such as harry potter

hey, have you read the harry potter books?
no they don't interest me, the bible has more made up stuff that is clearly fictional and untrue.

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