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Someone who has 10,000 hours practice flying an armchair at a maximum flight ceiling of 0 feet above the ground, and who feels like they must never be distracted from their glorious mission of defending their front room. See also: lazy git
I have just been qualified as an armchair captain, but I can no longer feel my arse cheeks
A Mahogany Armchair is when you're having sex with a woman and she shits in your lap, then proceeds to ride you to a climax.
Person 1: Bro, I had sex with Becky last night and she gave me a Mahogany Armchair.
Person 2: That's so clutch!!
A close relative to the FIGJAM stereotype (“F***, I’m good. Just ask me.”) but this slouch of a human is a recluse, often with potato chip crumbs sprinkled on his pudgy belly. The Armchair Guru won’t choose to dominate conversation by interrupting or speaking over others, instead he will both glorify the profundity of his experiences whilst simultaneously actively discrediting anyone else who he recognizes as a threat to his intellectual cachet in the hierarchical order.
His professed knowledge rests solely on anecdotal evidence with a paltry stockpile of half-finished trinkets that are mounted as a stately exhibit of “Yeah, As you can see it’s pretty impressive but it’s nowhere near as epic as the collection I put together at my last place.”
The Armchair Guru is a toddler with tall tales that are now taken on their word because he has grown a beard.
I went to Dave’s place to collect the 300 bucks he owes me and this armchair guru reframed the situation into a lecture about how I was acting in my own self interest when I decided to lend him the money. It was made all the more insulting as I could see the bowl of green that he was choofing down was well in excess of what he owed me. So not only did I not get a cent off him, I had to listen to his “Sheeple” this and “Government” that, for like two hours before I realized I was wasting my time by being there.
Someone who goes on holiday with just google street view
Oh, I've never actually been to New York, I'm just an armchair tourist
Someone who is fascinated about touching people's feet, but not as a fetish. They usually have beginner-level knowledge on the anatomy of the human foot and can also give great foot massages.
My sister's boyfriend is kind of a creep about her feet, like an armchair podiatrist.
All the self-appointed Sun Tzus and Napoleans who frequently comment on military threads or comment sections believing they know better than actual military generals and lash out against his so called "enemy commentators" when faced with an opposing argument.
Comment: "The U.S. Lend Lease was a major factor in WWII that helped save the Soviets."
Armchair General: "You obviously dont know anything. Russia would just move further east and lend lease was liek 0.0001% of ussr production. USA was coward, didnt help much, and only came when russia did all the dirty work."
Stalin: "Without the machines we received through Lend-Lease, we would have lost the war.” (His actual words)
A person who tries to solve real life crimes by finding evidence exclusively using their computer.
Usually collaborates with people on Reddit/4chan or other forums.
Young Timmy is too into finding the identity of a cat murderer he found online by finding the IP address of the site the murderer set up and posting it on 4chan. He is an Armchair Sleuth.