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Biggest cock in the world. Anyone named Jesus has a massive shlong and will slap you with his almighty cock if you disagree
“Woah look at jesus and his bulge”
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1. The fictional guy that gives a lot of people a way to discriminate against others and pretty much do whatever they want. He is often blamed for trajedies; otherwise known as a scapegoat. The religion based off him also gives many unstable people a way to handle the fact that science has not discovered the origin of every fucking little thing. This religion also has created a booming industry: anything from greeting cards, to bumper stickers, to churches who provide bums with jobs/an income they otherwise wouldnt have gotten (aka ministers). it is rumoured that "rome wasn't built in a day, but christianity was written in an hour" (thanks jimi)
2. Often used as a curse word much like, "fuck" or "shit"
1. "do you believe in evolution?"
"oh no, jesus/god created every little atom in the world!"
"get a grip, who the fuck would care enough to create the billions of atoms to make one idiot like you?"
2. "jesus christ! six flags over jesus is full of idiots!"
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Jesus was way cool. Everybody like Jesus.
Everybody wanted to hang out with him.
Anything he wanted to do, he did.
He turned water into wine, and if he had wanted to,
He could have turned wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine,
or vitamin pills into amphetamines.
He walked on the water and swam on the land.
He would tell these stories and people would listen.
He was really cool.
If you were blind, or lame, you just went to Jesus and he would put his
hands on you and you would be healed.
That's so cool.
He could have played guitar better than Hendrix.
He could have told the future.
He could have baked the most delicious cake in the world.
He could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky.
He could have danced better than Baryshnikov.
Jesus would have been funnier than any comedian you can think of.
Jesus told people to eat his body and drink his blood.
That's so cool. Jesus was so cool.
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was, so they killed him.
But then he rose from the dead! He rose from the dead, did a little dance, and went up to heaven. I mean, that's so cool. No wonder there are so many Christians.
This weed got me more stoned than jesus on the cross.
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The cornerstone of the Christian religion.
I have thorns on my head and I'm underwater, but the blood is not flying into the water, but running down my face, because I am Jesus, and I am awesome.
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According to Christianity, God's son and the saviour of the world who will come again to judge the living and the dead (CORRECT). According to the Jews, a heretic who comited blasphmy (some Jews and Muslims see him as a major profit). Acording to athiest, some guy (WRONG). According to evangelicals, a way to guilt impresionable idiots into giving them money.
Even if you don't think Jesus is God's son and all, at least accept that he was a pretty cool guy with good ideas on how to live.
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The second coming is here! Jesus is back in the form of Joel Zimmerman aka deadmau5!! We are saved!!
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A Mexican male name of both Hebrew and Spanish origin. Pronounced "hey-zeus".
Jesus' are often times shy, guarded, and like to keep to themselves. However, when they find motivation to do something, they are the least shy people of all. Once comfortable with someone, although still guarded, they will open up a bit more.
They are known for their masculine looks and exasperated sighs. They are characterized by strong arm and bicep muscles which many find useful when pulling a woman in for a kiss. The skin of a Jesus is constantly warm to the touch unless they are outside for long periods of time in inappropriate clothing, such as at a high school football game in the end of October in a light jacket.
When they have a bad feeling about something, some may stay up throughout the night until they get bad new, like a phone call from a crying friend.
When a Jesus finds a girl, always a beauty in their eyes, there will either be terrible heartbreak or wondrous love. He will one day find a girl that adores his smiles and will get lost in his eyes. When they embrace, she'll wonder what has taken her so long to find this person. Both will realize just how much they love each other and how much they both want to spend the rest of their lives together.
When they no longer hold back, they become a great listener, a caring best friend, and a tender lover. Anyone who gets to know them for who they really are will either fall in love with them, or wish that they had him as a best friend.
I'm completely in love with my Jesus, who gives me affectionate kisses and holds me in his arms until I fall asleep.
I want to spend the rest of my life with Jesus, my best friend until the end.
Will you marry me, Jesus?
I can always count on Jesus to remember a certain moment that means a lot to them for years and years, possibly for the rest of him life. Certain objects, such as an AC/DC jacket, arcade tokens from a first date, or even a girl's dolphin necklace, are triggers for memories that sometimes keep him up at night.
Even though his family is bothersome to him, he is loyal and compassionate about every single one of them. He never lets a birthday go forgotten or unrecognized.
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