Random
Source Code
Random
10 November 1775: I was born in a bomb crater. My mother was an M16 and my father was the Devil. Each moment that I live is an additional threat upon your life. I eat concertina, piss napalm, and I can shoot a round through a flea’s ass at 300 meters. I am a rough looking, roving soldier of the sea. I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself. I am a green amphibious monster, made of blood and guts, who arose from the sea, I travel the globe, festering on anti-Americans everywhere I go for, the love of Mom, Chevrolet, baseball, and apple pie. I’m a grunt. I’m the dirty, nasty, stinky, sweaty, filthy, beautiful little son of a bitch that’s kept wolf away from the door for over 235 years. I’m a United States marine, we look like soldiers, talk like sailors, and slap the shit out of both of them. We stole the eagle from the Air Force, the rope from the Army, and the anchor from the Navy. And on the 7th Day, when God rested, we overran His perimeter, stole the globe, and we’ve been running the show ever since. Warrior by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice, Marine by God.
Simper Fidelis
The United States Marine Corps is the best in world, Oorah!
666👍 49👎
Ingham State High School is a public high school located on the coast of North Queensland, Australia, in a hell-like town known as Ingham. The students that attend are either (A) Piss poor, (B) underaged drinkers and druggos or (C), not catholic Italian snobs who find every reason to think Gilroy is better. Every teacher there has a giant fucking stick up their ass except for a few. Almost to every boy that attends is a bogan that can't say a sentence without saying a cuss to try and establish dominance when in reality it just makes them seem like they don't really know how to say anything else which is true. All the chicks there are sluts, dead inside or obese. On the bright side it's better than Gilroy.
Ingham State High School Boy: Oi bitch lemme shove my dick in you
Ingham State High School Girl 1: Alright let's go at it
Ingham State High School Girl 2: *makes someone shove them down a staircase*
Ingham State High School Girl 3: This is too much for me to handle lemme eat 5 Big Macs to repress the sight of seeing that
When the actions of the USA and the people within it, are so strange that it compares to a fictional country
"The United States Cinematic Universe has been jumping the shark recently"
51👍 2👎
Any trip that spans 3 or more states in an effort to obtain a booty call.
Boss - "Why the fuck did you call out of work yesterday?"
Guy - "Sorry bossman, I was driving for 7 hours yesterday to get back from my tri-state pussy date."
The best, most unspoiled beach in NJ. Its dunes and clear water, and has miles and miles of NOTHING in a state where every other square inch of oceanfront is owned and covered with crap
When I have a day off, I go to Island Beach State Park, and forget where I am and who I am.
27👍 1👎
Some cool kid in khakis. He is also on twitter. Waterbugs.
Guy: ...You'd do that for me? Really!
Wife: Who is that.
Guy: Jake from state farm.
Guy: *Sounds like a really good deal*.
Wife: Jake from state-farm in 3 in the morning, WHO IS THIS
Guy: It's Jake from state-farm.
Wife: What are you wearing "Jake from state farm"
Jake: Ugh... Khakis
Wife: She sounds hideous
Guy: Well she's a guy so...
622👍 75👎
A magical land, where you are free to do whatever you want. This means you are FREE to text in a THE-A-TER.
Texter: "I was using my PHOONE as a FLASHLIGHT to get to my fuckin' seat. So EXCUSE ME for using MY phone in USA MAGNITED STATES of America where yer-you are FREE to TEXT in a THE-A-TER!"
Alamo Drafthouse: "lol u mad?"
63👍 5👎