Just going to have a couple drinks

Getting blackout

Hey Mitch, do you want to go out tonight, we're just going to have a couple drinks tonight.

5👍 2👎

I have crippling depression

I have crippling depression
Guy: Are you depressed for your ugliness?

Meg; I have crippling depression

3👍 7👎

I have a cat in my lap

The last excuse for not doing something without admitting to laziness. Often used by cat owners and drunks/meth whores

Mom: Timothy, take out the trash!
Tim: I will.
Mom: No, NOW!
Tim: I'm busy.
Mom: BULLSHIT!
Tim: But, I have a cat in my lap!

Bill: Ted, can you hand me a beer.
Ted: Go gret it yershelf....
Bill: Dude, it's right there.
Ted: .....MraI have a crat in m'lap.....
Bill: There's nothing there...where are your pants? ...You have shit on your dick.

7👍 3👎

Have a Phil "Badluck"Barrata episode

When a Big Italian guy is balls deep in Phil B. and he yells out "Daddy No"

So I was balls deep in Phil last night and he had a Phil Badluck Barrata on me.

8👍 9👎

I have played them all!

by virtue of my experience and knowledge, you don't have to take someone else's word for it. Trust me.

I don't want to see the New York Phil play another Beethoven symphony. I have played them all.

13👍 10👎

You have an ahem in your wooting

You have a happiness in your genitalia
* you have an ahem in your wooting*

You have an enjoyment in your penile area LOL At the person
* you have an ahem in your wooting*
you enjoy penises
you have fun with ahems
you like to enjoy some ones private area

10👍 7👎

"I have 18 inch biceps"

A common claim among bodybuilding enthusiasts who usually weigh between 165-180 pounds. Most of them, of course, are lying.

Small guy with 15" biceps looks at 6'0 215 pound fitness model Bill Davey, who has 18" arms.

"Yeah man, that guys huge. But. "I have 18 inch biceps" too, so he's not that big."

21👍 20👎