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For guys only; If you want a really good orgasm quickly, then go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and cover the shaft of your penis with toilet paper. Move the toilet paper up and down, while pressing hard on your penis. The orgasm leaves you breathless, and I shot sperm about a foot and a half. FEELS GOOD.
Damn, I used to toilet paper to masturbate, and I think I was in heavon-on-earth.
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pleasure acquired from the act of touching ones own privates.
text message
female: have you ever had masturbation frustration?
male: stoking my penis..
female: palming my clit naked on my bed. my legs are open.
male: good girl. how would you treat my johnny if you were here?
female: i'd suck you dry...
male: ooo? then you deserve a palm job till you squirt.
female: mm i like your big hands.
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I once heard the late George Carlin at a live performance reel off hundreds of witty slang synonyms for masturbation, but his final entry, and the punchline for his entire performance, was,
"Crowning the King."
I thought it was the funniest.
Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! Prince Andrew! How much longer are you going to be in there?
Prince Andrew: Just a little while longer, Grand Mum.
Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! You are not endevouring to masturbate in there, are you?
Prince Andrew: Of course not, Grand Mum--I'm Crowning the King!
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Guys- To rapidly yank your crank.
Chicks- To use variouse toys and satisfy yourself, or an electric toothbrush.
It is quite understandable.
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To jack one's beanstalk.
Or, to choke one's chicken.
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The act of sexualy pleasing oneself, usually to orgasm.
Masturbation is the best exercise I get all day!
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The use of improvisational means to obtain sexual gratification in the absence of a partner.
Because the word "masturbation" sounds kind of boring, people have come up with an absurd amount of euphemisms for what is essentially sex without a partner.
I tried to look up "masturbation" on UD, but the constant use of euphemisms and the lack of a real definition drove me crazy.
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