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Five-dollar Footlong

An "offer" introduced in the preceding months by those fools at Subway, a US submarine sanswich franchise.To be quite honest, this is one of the most insipid names for a deal that any marketing department has ever created. I'm sorry, but what the fucking hell is this shit? A five-dollar footlong? Are you motherfucking kiding me? Any fifth-grader can realize that "five-dollar footlong" sounds like an offer to take a pecker for five dollars. What the hell is this shit? A five-dollar footlong? Are you going to ask me if I want some mayonaise on that shit? Old bitch-ass motherfuckers. This is just destined to create misunderstanding, as follows:

Anonymous Agent #1: Hey man, I'm hungry as a motherfucker. You wanna get something to eat?
Anonymous Agent #2: You could go to Subway and get a five-dollar footlong.
Anonymous Agent #1: What are you saying about me, son? You saying I like dick?
Anonymous Agent #2: (Confused) What? Nah, man, I'm just saying that Subway has a 12" sandwich for only $5.
Anonymous Agent #1: Fuck you, man. I don't take no shit. (pulls a nine)
Anonymous Agent #2: What the fuck, man?! Why you pullin' the gat?
Anonymous Agent #1: And this is for that "double-whopper" jive you were pulling of me last week, you punk bitch. (Shoots Anonymous Agent #2)
Anonymous Agent #2: (Crying) What the fuck, man? I was just trying to help, son...
Anonymous Agent #1: That's right, cry like the little bitch that you are...
Anonymous Agent #2: WHY SUBWAY?! WHY...?!

Conclusion: Subway ruins lives.

Thank you for your time.

by MuigiKalash January 30, 2009

30๐Ÿ‘ 32๐Ÿ‘Ž


Five Dollar Indians

Five Dollar Indians paid government agents under the table in order to reap the benefits that came with having Indian blood. Mainly Caucasian Men, white Latinos and Siberian native American mongoloids who had an appetite for land theft paid to register on the Dawes Rolls, earning fraudulent enrollment in tribes along with benefits inherited by generations to come, This is where the term $5 Indian comes from. โ€œThese were people who were more than happy to exploit the Dawes Commissionโ€”and government agents that allowed it, for $5, were willing to turn a blind eye to the graft and corruption.โ€

The Dawes Commission, established in 1893 to enforce the General Allotment Act of 1887 (or the Dawes Act), was charged with convincing tribes to cede their land to the United States Corporation and divide remaining land into individual allotments. The commission also required Indians to claim membership in only one tribe and register on the Dawes Rolls, what the government meant to be a definitive record of individuals with Indian blood.

The Curtis Act, passed in 1898, targeted the Five Civilized Tribes (Cherokee, Choctaw, Chickasaw, Creek and Seminole), forcing them to accept allotments and register on the Dawes Rolls.

Five Dollar Indians and The Dawes Commission set up tents in Indian Territory, There, field clerks scoured written records, took oral testimony and generated enrollment cards for individuals determined to have Indian blood. it also included lots of people with questionable heritage. Commissioners took advantage of their positions and enrolled people who had very minimal or questionable connections to the tribes,โ€œThey were not adverse to taking money under the table.โ€Five-dollar Indians passed their unearned benefits to heirs who still lay claim to tribal citizenship and associated privileges.

โ€œNow we have people who are Caucasian, white Latinos, Siberian native American mongoloids that can trace their names back to the rolls used by tribal nations to ascertain who has rights as citizens,โ€œThat means we have white people who have the ability to vote at large; it means political rights; it means the potential to influence tribal policy on a whole range of issues; it means people have access to health care, education and employment. The implications are quite profound for people who got away with fraud.โ€
while five Dollar Indians paid to play Indian, many authentic Indians who didnโ€™t trust the government chose not to register with the Dawes Rolls at all, That means Melanated American Aboriginals with legitimate claims to tribal enrollment and benefits are now excluded.

by Desert flower September 24, 2023

4๐Ÿ‘ 5๐Ÿ‘Ž


five nights in anime

a game by Mairusu Paua

person 1: i played five nights in anime
person 2: how is it?
person 1: good

by kyrian247 April 4, 2021

5๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž


five toed sloth

Someone who is exceptional slow. Especially when running or in hand-eye coordination.

"Jack's a good athelete."
"Yeah, he's coordinated, but he's so slow he looks like a five toed sloth."

by Legbah February 4, 2008

4๐Ÿ‘ 2๐Ÿ‘Ž


five toed sloth

Somebody who is incredibly lazy, always late, doesn't like to move, or is just slow in general.

it originates from the animals, the two-toed and three-toed sloths.

"'shit dude, Jed said he'd be here three hours ago, do you think he's ok?'

'man, he's fine, he's always late; he's like a fuckin' five toed sloth or something'"

by fivetoedsloth October 5, 2009

4๐Ÿ‘ 2๐Ÿ‘Ž


Five Mule Kart

a girls ass so big it would take 5 mules to pull it.

Check out that girl over there, thats a five mule kart.
Katie has a five mule kart.

by Five Mule Kart Krew December 28, 2007

4๐Ÿ‘ 2๐Ÿ‘Ž


Five gay guys

One Direction

Hey, did you hear that new song by those five gay guys?

by CarcinoGenisist December 4, 2015

5๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž